My quick rating - 1.7/10. Ah yes, the long-awaited cinematic masterpiece about Australia’s most feared cryptid—the drop bear! A ruthless, bloodthirsty killer disguised as an adorable koala, ready to tear apart clueless tourists in the outback… at least, that’s what we should have gotten. Instead, we’re subjected to 86 minutes of two bumbling paranormal vloggers rambling about nonsense while the drop bear presumably naps off-screen, waiting for a better script. I swear, jack of all trades Frank Maljevac told his buddies "You think that breakdancer in the Olympics made Australia look bad, wait until you see my movie."
I was expecting Jaws but with a koala. What I got was wasted digital that looks like it was filmed with a potato covered in Vaseline, featuring camerawork that can only be described as experimental if the experiment was "How bad can we make this look before people turn it off?" Ever wanted to watch a movie where the camera spends more time on the ground than on the actual action? You’re in luck!
The audio? Oh, you mean the soothing sound of a microphone being rubbed against a cheese grater for the first 15 minutes? I thought maybe this was some kind of artistic choice—perhaps the drop bear was slowly chewing the mic—but no, just quality filmmaking!
As for the horror? There is none. No blood, no gore, and barely any movie to speak of. It’s like someone had a budget of two Vegemite sandwiches and a dream, but forgot the dream. At one point, I think a character realized they had made a terrible mistake by signing onto this disaster and begged to be killed off early—and honestly, I envied them. This flick is much more like "Fierce Killer of My Will to Live."
If you enjoy bad movies, this is STILL not worth your time. If you’re looking for an actual killer koala movie, just grab a stuffed animal, and shake it in front of your face while talking to yourself. It’ll be far more entertaining. In other words, avoid at all costs.
Your choices are Amazon and Amazon right now on Justwatch.
https://jackmeat.com/fierce-killer-marsupial-2024/
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