Anaconda (2025) | It’s a silly, self-aware Anaconda reboot that isn’t as funny as it should be, but the cast makes it an enjoyable watch. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.9/10. Revisiting Anaconda nearly three decades later is either a terrible idea or a stroke of inspired madness, and this 2025 reboot/sequel/very self-aware remix hits comfortably somewhere in between. It centers around a group of middle-aged friends facing various midlife issues. This flick leans hard into the nostalgia and meta humor, sometimes to its benefit and other times not so much.

Jack Black, Paul Rudd, Steve Zahn, and Thandiwe Newton play friends who decide to remake their favorite movie from their youth. Yes, Anaconda (1997), after unearthed footage of their homemade horror VHS called "The Quatch" reappears, which they shot as kids. That opening sequence is genuinely charming and instantly sets the tone, and it also triggered a bit of personal rage on my end, reminding me that I never managed to track down our own homemade high school monstrosity. But back to the movie and not my unresolved trauma.

The group somehow secures funding, slaps together a script, and heads into the Brazilian rainforest (actually Australia, and yes, I clocked that immediately). Anyone who’s read my Jungle review knows where this kind of decision-making usually leads. Unsurprisingly, their plan involves wandering into the jungle to “find” a giant snake for authenticity, after their trained one gets mutilated. Hollywood logic reigns supreme here, and given the sheer number of dumbass decisions on display, it’s honestly a miracle the body count isn’t higher.

The comedy is hit-and-miss. There are genuinely funny moments, but the film often leans too hard on repeating the same joke until it starts wheezing. The extended “pee on Jack Black’s leg to counteract spider venom” gag is a prime example. Amusing concept, dragged out far too long, but at least it gives you something to laugh at. A standout bit involves the group encountering another boat on the river that’s literally shooting a Sony-backed Anaconda remake, which got one of the biggest laughs out of me.

The snake itself looks fantastic. The CGI sells the scale and menace without going full cartoon, and visually the film is stronger than it has any right to be. Nigel Bluck’s cinematography adds a few stylish flourishes, and yes, Jack Black clearly had a blast making this. You’ll know exactly why when you see it.

Performance-wise, this movie lives or dies on its cast, and thankfully, it mostly lives. Rudd and Black click instantly, Zahn’s comic timing is razor sharp as ever, and Selton Mello is terrific as snake-handler Santiago. Newton is solid but underused, which feels like a missed opportunity. The Ice Cube inclusion is a clever touch, and the Jennifer Lopez cameo is a genuinely fun nod to the original.

Anaconda (2025)

Ultimately, Anaconda is best described as fun. Not sharp, not particularly brave, but fun. It recognizes the clichés of reboots and remakes without fully committing to satirizing them, so this flick winks at the Hollywood machine but never quite bites. Leave logic at the door, enjoy the charm, and let the snake do the rest. I'll have to go dig up the original one now.

https://jackmeat.com/anaconda-2025/

The Wrecking Crew (2026) | I didn’t need to think at all, and between the violent action and the humor, I had a really good time. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.7/10. The Wrecking Crew wastes absolutely no time telling you what kind of movie it’s going to be, opening with a sweeping city shot serenaded by what I will forever maintain is the most overrated band of all time. As the camera spins and the credits roll, we zero in on an older man being followed before he’s abruptly run down in the street by a van blaring Guns N’ Roses. Subtlety is not invited to this party, and honestly, that’s fine. This brutal little opener sets the tone nicely and brings us straight to James (Dave Bautista) and Johnny (Jason Momoa), estranged half-brothers reunited by their father’s mysterious death.

Our real introduction to Johnny comes via a slick, violent, and well-choreographed fight scene with members of the Yakuza, immediately letting us know that this murder was no random hit-and-run. The action is also refreshingly free of "shaky cam" or seizure-inducing editing. Finally, when Johnny and James are brought together, the comedic core of the movie snaps firmly into place. These two characters genuinely dislike each other, and every time they are together, it is full of insults, sarcastic comments, and backhanded digs. Luckily, their chemistry works so well that the humor doesn’t feel exhausting.

Jacob Batalon pops up as Pika, a former associate of their father, Walter, and he provides his usual dose of humor without tipping into full comic relief overload. The performances across the board are solid and committed, which keeps this from drifting into lazy action-movie autopilot. Bautista brings his usual ominous presence, Momoa leans into his oddball charisma, and together they keep things surprisingly lively.

Visually, the film looks great. The first major action sequence sets the pace beautifully, using creative camera movement and clear staging that lets you actually appreciate what’s happening. The action continues to deliver throughout, occasionally veering into the wildly unrealistic, but when it looks this good, who really cares? The minivan sequence in particular is a standout, and the CGI work is seamless enough to sell some truly absurd moments without breaking immersion.

Things get even more entertaining once Johnny’s girlfriend, Valentina (Morena Baccarin), enters the mix, giving us a bit more humor and a little intrigue. Of course, there’s a sprawling conspiracy at the heart of it all, complete with the classic villain move of kidnapping loved ones in exchange for a thumb drive that could apparently trigger World War III on a Hawaiian island. It’s ridiculous, but the movie knows it.

Between the gorgeous scenery in Hawaii and Auckland, New Zealand, and a soundtrack that eventually redeems itself with Phil Collins, The Wrecking Crew succeeds because it understands exactly what it is. Amazon delivers a very solid January popcorn movie here, and honestly, I was perfectly happy leaving my brain at the door for the night.

The Wrecking Crew (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/the-wrecking-crew-2026/

Hands (2026) | Say no to drugs, say yes to slo-mo punches. Feels like an ’80s fight flick that forgot the talent. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.2/10. A movie like Hands is one of those that lets you know exactly what it is within the first five minutes, and then spends the rest of its runtime repeatedly reminding you, just in case you somehow forgot. Underground fighting? Check. Clear hero and villain lines? Double check. A noble fighter turning down drugs mid-fight so you know he’s the good guy? Oh yeah, we’re doing that too.

That hero would be Carter (James M. Black), who radiates earnest determination and clean-living vibes, while his equally virtuous partner Naomi (Ashley A. Williams) mirrors the same “say no to drugs, say yes to fists” philosophy. The film isn’t subtle about any of this, but subtlety clearly wasn’t invited to the tournament. One of these two is absolutely getting the slow-motion, Eye of the Tiger–coded finale, and the movie practically winks at you while setting it up.

I’ll be honest. I hit play mainly to see what Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has been up to. By the second fight, about 20 minutes in, we’re already deep into the “all the work you’ve put in” motivational speech. Which is interesting, because we haven’t really seen that work. What we have seen is the movie’s fondness for time jumps. “Two years later” pops up so often it starts feeling like the official sponsor of the tournament circuit. Apparently, these underground death matches operate on an Olympic schedule, with long gaps in between for plot convenience.

Director Justin Kuhn leans hard into an ’80s–’90s martial arts action vibe, which is charming in theory but less so in execution. This is basically Enter the Dragon, only modernized, stripped of its mystique, and missing roughly 99% of the talent. Important character motivations and world-building details are skipped entirely - things that could’ve been fixed with a quick scene or two, but instead are left dangling like a missed kick.

Credit where it’s due. The focus on women’s fighting is appreciated, even if the choreography itself is only adequate. It works, it lands, but it rarely impresses. Donald Gibbs popping up is a fun surprise, especially since he’s not hunting down Nerds this time, and Billy Blanks showing up at all is… reassuring? He still has whatever that thing is. You know the thing.

The tournament-ending fight is one of the most anticlimactic I’ve seen in a while. But don’t worry, that’s not actually the end of the movie. Of course, Naomi still has to throw down with drug-peddling villainess Mindy (Tanjareen Thomas). Forget car chases, we’re going full foot chase, because why not?

Hands (2026)

Hands basically lands in that awkward space where it’s watchable enough to finish, but nothing you'll ever remember. It swings, it misses, and occasionally lands a glancing blow. But once the credits were rolling, I knew I wouldn't think about it again. And honestly? There are far better ones out there.

https://jackmeat.com/hands-2026/

Greenland 2: Migration (2026) | I enjoyed the first one, but solid performances and grim visuals can’t save this sequel that forgets basic logic. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.3/10. I was glad that Greenland 2: Migration picks up right where the first film’s end-of-the-world anxiety left off, opening with a quick recap of the comet catastrophe before dropping us into a radiation-decayed version of Earth that looks about as welcoming as a frozen landfill. The Garrity family is back, still alive, still stressed, and still making big decisions under impossible circumstances. Gerard Butler and Morena Baccarin return as John and Allison Garrity, and Ric Roman Waugh is once again in the director’s chair, clearly committed to keeping this world as bleak and unforgiving as possible.

This time around, the hook is movement. After surviving in the bunker for five years, the Garritys are forced to venture out due to Mother Nature giving everyone a big reminder that she’s still in charge. John’s health is failing him, and since he knows he’s not going to last much longer, he becomes dead set on getting his family to the supposed safe zone near the crater. Why the crater would suddenly turn into some sort of Garden of Eden instead of being a smoldering hole filled with lava is quite a stretch, but you’re just supposed to go with it and move forward with the story, much like the characters do.

Visually, the film does a solid job selling a dead, frozen Europe. The environments are grim, empty, and convincingly miserable, which helps maintain that constant survival-movie tension. Unfortunately, the storytelling doesn’t always keep up. A rushed encounter in northern France introduces Denis (William Abadie) and his daughter Camille (Nelia Valery), who are quickly folded into the Garrity family’s journey like they were old friends bumping into each other at a local sports bar. Before you know it, they’re trekking through a literal war zone, which had me wondering. What in the world is everyone fighting over at this point? Resources? Territory? Immigration issues? Hell if I could guess.

Logic issues start to pile up the longer the journey goes on. The characters spend years terrified of radiation while living in a bunker, yet once they leave the island, nearly every place they travel through seems oddly radiation-free. That naturally begs the question of why staying underground for so long was such an absolute necessity in the first place. Then there’s the matter of fuel, because apparently gasoline is still plentiful enough to keep cars running across a shattered continent. It’s hard not to notice these things when the film leans so heavily on realism elsewhere.

Ultimately, Greenland 2: Migration isn’t a disaster, but it’s definitely a step down from the first film. The performances are perfectly fine, the world looks appropriately bleak, and it is still watchable. However, the writing and overall story feel less cohesive, with too many unanswered questions and logic holes to satisfy someone with a brain. It’s a sequel that moves forward geographically, but creatively, it is heading the other direction.

Greenland 2: Migration (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/greenland-2-migration-2026/

Jungle (2017) | A gripping survival film that becomes even more powerful once you realize how much the true story was toned down #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.8/10. Jungle is one of those survival films that quietly sneaks up on you. My first thought was "Here we go, another typical man-versus-nature flick." I clearly wasn't familiar with the actual story. Backpackers make some bad decisions and head into a jungle that absolutely does not give a crap about their personal growth. But once I realized how much this movie actually tones down the real events it’s based on, it shifted from “that was pretty good” to “okay, that’s damn amazing.”

Set in 1981, the film follows Israeli backpacker Yossi Ghinsberg (Daniel Radcliffe), who meets a mysterious Austrian geologist in La Paz, Bolivia. This guy spins the kind of stories that should immediately trigger every internal red flag - lost tribes, untouched land, secret opportunities - but instead convinces Yossi and his friends, American photographer Kevin (Alex Russell) and Swiss teacher Marcus (Joel Jackson), to head deep into the Bolivian jungle. With a “seasoned guide” leading the way (always comforting words), they expect adventure and self-discovery. What they actually get is the jungle slowly dismantling every ounce of optimism they brought with them.

Once the Amazon becomes the main attraction, the movie wastes no time killing the fantasy. This is not a friendly wilderness (South Park had this right). The jungle here is everything eating at your nerves and aggressively uninterested in your survival. Jungle does a great job showing how quickly confidence evaporates when nature stops cooperating. When the group inevitably becomes separated, because you knew that was coming, Yossi’s story turns into a punishing survival ordeal that never feels overcooked or melodramatic.

Daniel Radcliffe is excellent here, easily one of his best performances. The physical transformation alone is convincing, but it’s the mental breakdown that really sells it. Every bad decision, hallucination, and moment of sheer exhaustion feels earned. There’s absolutely zero Harry Potter energy left by the end unless Hogwarts added starvation, infection, and psychological collapse as electives.

Visually, the movie looks amazing. Shot in Australia and Bolivia, the jungle is endless, suffocating, and in a weird way, beautiful. And constantly reminding you that it has the power to kill you at any moment. The setting is almost like another character. It is breathtakingly gorgeous, frightening, and utterly unapologetic to the suffering of others.

What really elevates Jungle, though, is its restraint. Knowing that this is based on actual events, and still a toned-down version, adds an extra holy shit layer. The real Ghinsberg had to endure much worse than what is depicted, and that alone helps to keep this from feeling exploitative.

This is one of those rare cases where the actual events are even more incredible than the film, and that’s a compliment in itself. Jungle is a great survival movie and a launchpad for an even crazier true-life tale. I’d honestly recommend reading up on the actual events before or after watching. It really drives home just how insane this experience actually was.

Jungle (2017)

https://jackmeat.com/jungle-2017/

It is that time of year, the Oscars are coming. | As usual, another way to enjoy The Oscars is a pick’em contest for all the bragging rights (maybe prizes). Join US. #jackmeatsflix

As I have done for decades, it is time for this year's Oscars contest (password is Oscar). Choose your winners, and win the bragging rights. And maybe if you really know your stuff, ESPN does offer a grand prize: A round trip for two to the Official Oscars Watch Party at the Academy Museum + $5,000 in cash to spend! Plus Ten (10) First Prizes: an Oscars-themed prize pack! Rules

Best Picture

BUGONIA
Ed Guiney & Andrew Lowe, Yorgos Lanthimos, Emma Stone and Lars Knudsen, Producers

F1
Chad Oman, Brad Pitt, Dede Gardner, Jeremy Kleiner, Joseph Kosinski and Jerry Bruckheimer, Producers

FRANKENSTEIN
Guillermo del Toro, J. Miles Dale and Scott Stuber, Producers

HAMNET
Liza Marshall, Pippa Harris, Nicolas Gonda, Steven Spielberg and Sam Mendes, Producers

MARTY SUPREME
Eli Bush, Ronald Bronstein, Josh Safdie, Anthony Katagas and Timothée Chalamet, Producers

ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER
Adam Somner, Sara Murphy and Paul Thomas Anderson, Producers

THE SECRET AGENT
Emilie Lesclaux, Producer

SENTIMENTAL VALUE
Maria Ekerhovd and Andrea Berentsen Ottmar, Producers

SINNERS
Zinzi Coogler, Sev Ohanian and Ryan Coogler, Producers

TRAIN DREAMS
Marissa McMahon, Teddy Schwarzman, Will Janowitz, Ashley Schlaifer and Michael Heimler, Producers

Full list of nominations

Jackmeats Flix Oscar Contest

https://jackmeat.com/oscars-2026/

Bears on a Ship (2025) | My opinion? The poster deserves an apology for being associated with this audience-punishing filmmaking. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 2.3/10. I saw Bears on a Ship pop up and thought, “Hey, 75 minutes. Worst case, I lose an hour and change and find a chesseball guilty pleasure.” Didn't take half that time for my mind to wander off, wondering when they would jam the obvious quote in.

The premise is pure bargain-bin poetry. During an airline strike in Mexico, stranded passengers hop on a ship back to the U.S., unaware they’re sharing the voyage with two man-eating bears. That sentence alone should’ve been enough to either deliver trashy fun gore or glorious incompetence. What it delivers instead is mostly just…incompetence, without an ounce of gore. Or fun for that matter.

The opening gives us a pair of hick-stereotype hunters chasing bears for money, and to be fair, director Eduardo Castrillo wisely avoids showing any wildlife early on. Smart move. If you don’t see the bears, you don’t see the budget. Unfortunately, hiding the creatures does absolutely nothing to hide the horrendous acting. The first half hour plays like a casting call for “People You Actively Root to Be Mauled.” Every character arrives preloaded with irritation, zero charm, and dialogue that sounds like it was read off cue cards taped to the wall behind the camera.

Then we meet the stereotypical stoner dude, who finds a bear locked up on the ship and decides, and this is true, that releasing it might get him laid. Galaxy-brain thinking. Later, we get a “two of my men were killed” joke while holding up three fingers, completely missing the timing that would’ve made it land. Comedy is all about rhythm, and this guy’s playing a different song entirely.

When the movie finally shows the bears, you’ll wish it hadn’t. The highlight reel includes - a CGI bear outline in an extremely dim corridor, a glove pretending to be a bear paw, and a brief, tragic glimpse of someone wearing the lower half of a bear suit awkwardly climbing stairs. It genuinely looks like a junior high school play where the budget was spent on snacks instead of costumes. Occasionally, some bargain-bin CGI is sprinkled into the kills for “special effects,” and yes, the quotation marks are doing a lot of work here.

And finally someone says, “I’m tired of these mth$rf#cking bears on this mth$rf#cking ship,” and I’m not saying Sam Jackson’s lawyers should be alerted, but I’m also not not saying it.

The end credits reveal this was crowdfunded, which is honestly the scariest part of the film. Imagine knowing your hard-earned money helped bring this #turkey to life. This flick has everything. Wooden performances, off-timed line delivery, lighting so bad it feels accidental, and set design that seems confused about what movie it’s in. See that poster? Forget it. No giant bears. No spectacle. Not even convincing bears.

The best thing about Bears on a Ship is the cover art. Unfortunately, it’s also the most misleading thing in the entire movie.

Bears on a Ship (2025)

https://jackmeat.com/bears-on-a-ship-2025/