My quick rating - 5.8/10. I guess the strategy of patiently waiting until the copyrights on beloved childhood characters expire, then turning those peaceful, wholesome figures into homicidal maniacs, is officially paying dividends. Winnie the Pooh has already gone off the rails, and now it’s Pinocchio: Unstrung's turn to make lying, friendship, and brutally murdering people part of the same wholesome package.
We follow James (Cameron Bell), whose grandfather Geppetto (Richard Brake, which is pretty much perfect casting for this particular version of Geppetto) introduces him to a seemingly magical wooden doll that is supposed to become his new best friend. After some narrated exposition about James' tragic backstory, his parents dying, and him going to live with his grandfather, we get the story of Geppetto creating Pinocchio specifically for him.
And seriously, I'd be a little concerned about the giant hole in the basement wall.
There are also some wonderfully creepy noises coming from the wooden little bastard, although Pinocchio himself actually looks pretty damn cool. Once James starts introducing him to the world, however, Pinocchio decides to take it upon himself to eliminate everything he considers "bad." And by "eliminate," I mean murder the absolute shit out of people.
The practical gore is impressively brutal, and there is enough blood flying around to make you forget that pretty much none of what Pinocchio does makes logical sense. Apparently the little wooden detective can locate the homes of random kids without knowing their names, faces, addresses, or seemingly anything else about them. No brain, yet somehow possessing the investigative skills of Sherlock Holmes.
I also loved the random appearance of a kid watching Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey on his phone. Nothing says Twisted Childhood universe like casually watching another murderous public-domain childhood icon before being hunted down by this one.
And then there's Cricket. No, you aren't dreaming, Cricket. Voiced by the infamous Robert Englund, he isn't exactly here to teach Pinocchio about morality. In fact, he's about as homicidal as his wooden friend, which is probably not the life lesson Geppetto had in mind.
There's also a neat sequence from Pinocchio's point of view, complete with his wooden eye sockets, which is a surprisingly cool touch.
Pinocchio: Unstrung isn't particularly interested in making sense, and that's probably for the best. The pacing is quick, the makeup effects are nicely extreme, and the gratuitous blood and violence arrive frequently enough that you don't have much time to stop and question the increasingly ridiculous plot.
Rhys Frake-Waterfield seems to be getting the hang of these movies, too. They're progressively becoming more entertaining, and Pinocchio: Unstrung delivers enough practical gore, stupidity, and murderous puppet mayhem for about an hour and a half of pure, brain-off fun.
And stick around through the credits for some of the puppetry magic. Turns out Pinocchio isn't the only one doing some impressive string work.
https://jackmeat.com/pinocchio-unstrung-2026/
