Sanctus House (2026) | The behind-the-scenes photos during the credits looked like they had way more fun making it than I had watching it. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 2.3/10. I went into Sanctus House completely blind. No trailer. No reviews. Just a 64-minute runtime, Richard Grieco's name on the poster, and a plot about a haunted house. Sometimes, that's enough for a buried treasure to be found. Other times, it feels like you're in the haunted house, but every actor called in sick.

It is a promising start to a movie with two people running around the forest until one of them yells off-screen, and the other falls off a cliff. All the while, the camera fixates itself on what appears to be the most aggressively mundane house ever. A news report informs us that the infamous Sanctus House has claimed two more victims, only for a police officer to shrug and basically blame hiking accidents instead. If the haunted house isn't involved, someone owes that poor building an apology.

Enter four college students researching urban legends. Naturally, they end up recording YouTube videos instead, because that's how all serious academic research begins. Richard Grieco plays the caretaker, looking like he's seen far scarier things than this script. He explains his father built the house, starts dropping bits of family tragedy, and before long, the movie starts steering toward something far more religious than supernatural.

The biggest problem is that every character feels like they were assembled from the "Generic Horror Cast Starter Kit." Skeptic, worrier, curiosity seeker, and one whose only character quality is existing until the next scary moment happens. There is not much that happens beyond functional in the dialogue with acting ranging from stiff to melodramatic. I knew something was brewing when Cam (Aden Pettet) suddenly quoted a Bible verse out of nowhere. That's usually not a subtle storytelling cue.

To its credit, Sanctus House squeezes some decent production value out of its budget. The drone shots of the surrounding landscape actually look quite nice and occasionally give the film a bigger scope than it deserves. Unfortunately, the special effects budget appears to have been allocated to "invisible attackers," leaving much of the horror to your imagination. Sometimes less is more. Here, less is...well...less.

The film loses all subtlety in the end. It repeatedly hammers home its Christian message with all the finesse of someone trying to assemble IKEA furniture using a sledgehammer. Regardless of whether you believe the same things that the filmmakers do, it is such an awkward delivery of the message that it just dominates everything else. The ending alone is as much of a punch to the face as a cotton ball hitting carpet. Followed by more religious text and behind-the-scenes stills that looked considerably more entertaining than the preceding hour.

Sanctus House (2026)

I don't mind horror films with faith-based themes when they're woven naturally into the story. Sanctus House doesn't weave. It swings. From the two-dimensional characters, lackluster dialogue, minimal scare factor, and fizzled ending, this house of horrors never justifies the hour spent. The only urban legend here is that someone might find this genuinely frightening.

https://jackmeat.com/sanctus-house-2026/

The Last Voyage Of The Demeter (2023) | One chapter of Bram Stoker's classic turns into 2 hours of watching Dracula eat a ship full of sailors. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.3/10. I went into The Last Voyage of the Demeter knowing the basic premise and honestly wondering how they were going to stretch one chapter of Bram Stoker's Dracula into a nearly two-hour movie. Turns out, putting Dracula on a ship with nowhere for anyone to escape is a pretty solid start.

The first thing that grabbed me was just how good this movie looks. The Demeter itself feels alive, and not in the friendly Disney ship kind of way. Every hallway. Dark corner. Even a creaking floorboard feels like something horrible is waiting around the next bend. Half the movie takes place in near-total darkness, and that works. Every time somebody wandered off alone, I knew they were about to have a really bad evening.

What I really liked was the crew. They actually feel like real people instead of the usual collection of horror movie victims waiting for their turn. Liam Cunningham does a great job as the captain, trying to keep everyone together while things slowly spiral into complete chaos. Watching the crew slowly realize they're trapped on a floating buffet for Dracula was half the fun. To be fair, if I were on a ship and people kept disappearing every night after loading a suspicious coffin from Transylvania, I probably would've connected the dots a little sooner.

All the horror aspects are executed very well. There are jump scares, but the constant feeling of uneasiness is what got to me. In this movie, Dracula is not a romantic gentleman in a cape but rather an outright horror monster. Transformation effects are executed superbly, while the killings that do happen have no restrictions at all. The gore isn't over-the-top, but just brutal enough to show us how this version of Dracula wouldn’t want to be interviewed.

Some people will probably say the movie drags in the middle, and at 118 minutes, I get it. Personally, I wasn't bothered. The slower pace gave me time to get invested in the crew before Dracula inevitably turned their workplace into the world's least enjoyable cruise.

The ending didn't completely land for me and seemed to be setting things up a bit too much. This wasn’t enough to prevent me from thoroughly enjoying this flick. The Last Voyage of the Demeter turned out to be a good-looking gothic horror movie full of atmosphere, fine acting, creepy monsters, and lots of suspense.

The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)

If you're a fan of Dracula, classic Gothic horror, or just enjoy watching people realize they're trapped. On a ship. Soon to be served up as dinner for Dracula, this is well worth checking out.

https://jackmeat.com/the-last-voyage-of-the-demeter-2023/

Hold the Fort (2025) | The funniest part might be everyone calmly explaining the annual demon invasion like it's garbage collection day. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.5/10. I do love me a good low-budget horror comedy. But when they embrace madness, once in a while, they manage to hit upon that perfect point where enthusiasm wins out over finance. Hold the Fort had me convinced that I had stumbled upon one of those hidden jewels. That trailer was absolutely fun, and with its short 76-minute duration, there couldn't be much filler. Unfortunately, while it comes close, it never quite survives its own HOA meeting.

The movie wastes no time. An elderly couple is barricaded inside their home, fully armed and preparing for...something. An eerie orange glow hangs outside before we're suddenly introduced to a blood-soaked old woman happily announcing she's ready to sell the house. If that doesn't scream "great neighborhood," I don't know what does.

Our unlucky newcomers are Lucas (Chris Mayers) and Jenny (Haley Leary), who move into what appears to be your average suburban nightmare. Jenny quickly discovers the true horror of homeownership - the homeowners association. Except this HOA doesn't care about your mailbox color. They're busy defending the neighborhood from portals to hell during the equinox. Honestly, that's a much better excuse for mandatory meetings than discussing lawn height.

Jerry (Julian Smith) enthusiastically welcomes the couple to the neighborhood party, promising it's "to die for," which turns out to be surprisingly accurate. The residents casually explain that witches, werewolves, demons, and the dreaded Stickman may appear once the portal opens. Everyone treats this like discussing tomorrow's weather forecast, and somehow that's one of the funniest running jokes in the movie. Also, any raffle where the grand prize is a shotgun immediately gets points from me.

Once the monsters arrive, Hold the Fort finally lets loose. Flying witches explode heads with magical attacks, kung fu spirits possess victims into martial arts zombies, fake blood flies everywhere, and the neighborhood's resident badass McScruffy (Hamid-Reza Benjamin Thompson) strolls in like he owns the place. The practical effects intentionally embrace that B-movie charm instead of trying to hide it, and the creature makeup, especially the final monster, looks surprisingly solid.

Unfortunately, Lucas almost derails the fun. The movie spends far too much time making him the painfully timid guy everyone wants to yell at through the screen. There are only so many jokes built around "coward eventually becomes brave" before you start rooting for the monsters. Jenny telling everyone that his greatest survival skill is running fast leads to one of the movie's funniest exchanges, with Ted immediately asking, "What's your mile time?" because apparently sprinting away from demons now requires verified athletic credentials.

There are enough laughs all the way through, along with good action and a few drug-related jokes that are actually pretty funny. There is potential here, yet the screenplay just cannot seem to find a way to balance the ridiculous plot line and the appealing characters (not Lucas). It's one of those movies that keeps showing flashes of what it could have been.

The strangest decision comes during the credits, where a deleted dream sequence plays that is noticeably better than the awkward kung fu zombie sequence that actually made the final cut. Watching it almost feels like discovering the editor accidentally left the stronger scene on the cutting room floor. The outtakes that follow are fun, and the cast looked like they had just as much fun making Hold the Fort as I wanted to have watching it.

Hold the Fort (2025)

I was hoping that this would turn into another one of those horror comedies that people would talk about for years (They Will Kill You comes to mind). It comes very close, but just never seems to be able to get there. However, if you think that having an HOA meeting interrupted by witches and demons and exploding heads and shotgun raffles sounds like fun, you’ll be right at home.

https://jackmeat.com/hold-the-fort-2025/

Seven Snipers (2026) | Tim Roth and Radha Mitchell deserved a better script, or is the best defense against one sniper inviting a whole bunch of other snipers? #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.3/10. The name Tim Roth was enough to get Seven Snipers onto my watchlist. The movie opens with some beautiful sweeping shots of Ipswich, Queensland, before introducing Radha Mitchell out for a morning jog. I've been a fan of hers ever since Pitch Black, still one of Vin Diesel's better movies. She lives quietly on a remote farm with her teenage daughter Anja (Annabel Wolfe), whose rebellious "my mother sucks" attitude wastes no time reminding us that teenagers remain one of cinema's most reliable survival hazards.

The peaceful family drama lasts all of five minutes before bullets start flying, and suddenly it seems like everyone in Australia owns a sniper rifle. Ryan Kwanten shows up pretending to be interested in buying the property, which is about as convincing as a telemarketer calling to "check in." He quickly reveals himself and warns Mitchell's character, better known as Voodoo Child, that the Dragon (Tim Roth) is coming.

The upside? A heavily armed team of military specialists arrives to protect her from the legendary sniper. The downside? They've basically gathered a whole buffet of targets in one convenient location. I couldn't help laughing at the idea of defending against the world's greatest sniper by assembling a group of other snipers in wide-open positions. It's like fighting a shark by jumping into the water with more swimmers. (Yes, I just watched Deep Water lol.)

Apparently there's a $10 million bounty on Voodoo Child's head, attracting the world's deadliest marksmen to collect the prize. Roth wastes no time reminding everyone why his Dragon is feared. One particularly gruesome interrogation scene involving a skull inspection is delivered with such casual confidence that it almost becomes darkly funny. Unfortunately, once the bullets settle, the movie starts relying heavily on flashbacks to explain the connection between Dragon and Voodoo Child, and while they fill in some history, they never really explain why Dragon suddenly decides now is the time to return.

Radha Mitchell makes the absolute best of what little she is working with, and Roth manages to inject some real menace each time he appears. Seriously, the cast needs a much better script, since they are basically carrying the whole thing themselves. The writing just keeps undercutting any sense of tension with bad choices, strange behavior, and far too many plot holes.

Then comes the finale, which somehow turns into a "drop your guns and settle this with your fists" type showdown. In a movie called Seven Snipers. That was the only creative choice? If you're expecting a tactical sniper thriller full of patience, strategy, and long-range cat-and-mouse games, you're going to be sorely disappointed because that's pretty much absent here.

Seven Snipers (2026)

Seven Snipers has capable performances, gorgeous Australian scenery, and a few entertaining moments, but the script simply can't keep up with its cast. There are plenty more head-scratching moments I could dissect, but honestly, the movie already did enough damage to itself. Sometimes the biggest missed target isn't the sniper's shot. It's the screenplay.

https://jackmeat.com/seven-snipers-2026/

Mutilator 2 (2023) | Watching Mutilator 2 is like attending a horror convention after-party that accidentally turned into a slasher movie. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.1/10. I was genuinely surprised to discover Mutilator 2 existed. Not only am I a fan of the original The Mutilator from 1984, but seeing writing credits from Jen and Sylvia Soska immediately grabbed my attention. Back in the day, the Soska sisters would've probably been shouting this one from the rooftops to horror fans like me. These days, they're a little busier than when they were making the convention rounds.

The setup is actually pretty clever. More than 35 years after the original film, a crew is shooting a remake at the same Atlantic Beach, North Carolina location. Cast members from the original movie show up for a wrap party while the remake is finishing production. Naturally, because this is a slasher movie, someone starts murdering people one by one. It's a concept that feels like it was tailor-made for us fans of the original.

The movie doesn't try to hide where it came from. It starts off with a scene that becomes obvious fairly quickly and features actors reenacting scenes from the 1984 movie. It's a nice touch, even if the acting had me raising my eyebrows. Actually, "raises eyebrows" might be generous. The acting got so awkward that I found myself wondering if it was deliberate. Honestly, I hope so because the alternative is concerning.

Among the main attractions here is seeing the veteran actor Terry Kiser playing the part of the original actor who played the killer, Jack Chatham, who has since passed away. It is obvious that horror enthusiasts will be delighted by the use of cast members from the original film. Despite the fact that Mutilator 2 is doing something totally ridiculous, it definitely pays tribute to its heritage.

Ridiculous doesn't even begin to describe the hilarious blowjob scene with the prop of the severed head and some form of glue. The gag keeps returning throughout the film, and I found myself laughing more than I probably should have. The cast party scenes have been dubbed an amateur comedy stand-up routine that just happened to be filmed in the middle of a slasher film. It has its hits and misses and bombs.

The first kill is oddly edited and feels a little clunky, but once the body count starts rising, the movie settles into a decent groove. The practical effects deserve credit. They always do. They aren't exactly on the level of Tom Savini's legendary work, but at least they're real effects instead of a bunch of weightless CGI blood splatters. The film also follows the sacred slasher commandments. If characters decide to wander off alone, remove clothing, or head to the beach for romantic activities, their life expectancy drops dramatically.

The kills themselves are pretty interesting and entertaining, which is precisely what we come to see. Unfortunately, after building momentum, Mutilator 2 delivers an ending so anticlimactic, I'm pretty sure everybody decided it was quitting time. It's not terrible, but it definitely lands with a thud rather than a scream.

The end credits could possibly be the most brilliant idea of the entire movie, highlighting the special effects used to create the killings. It's a fun little reward for sticking around.

Mutilator 2 (2023)

Ultimately, Mutilator 2 comes across as less of a sequel and more of a reunion party that every once in a while reminds us that it is still meant to be a slash horror flick. The fans of The Mutilator will definitely get their money's worth with all of the fun that they will have reminiscing about the first film. But after 40 years, I was hoping for a bit more.

https://jackmeat.com/mutilator-2-2023/

Big Foot Burgers (2026) | Big Foot Burgers feels like someone lost a bet and decided to make a movie around a joke that wasn't funny. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 2.1/10. I will admit it right up front. The main reason I picked Big Foot Burgers was that it only runs 64 minutes. After watching the trailer while setting up this review, I knew exactly what I was getting into. The poster alone practically waves a giant warning flag that says, "So you watch everything, huh? Enjoy this one."

The plot itself is even more outrageous than the name suggests. Bigfoot emerges from his cave to rescue a little girl trapped in a forest fire. Instantly, he becomes a celebrity, learns what hamburgers are, and opens a very successful hamburger joint in Los Angeles. But when the recession threat hangs over their heads, the waitresses devise plans that get more and more pointless. That's the movie. Somehow.

Things kick off with what appears to be public-domain footage of a massive wildfire. A reporter interviews the distressed mother of the missing child before Bigfoot nonchalantly emerges from the blaze and carries her out to safety, conveniently dumping her right next to where the reporter is interviewing the mother. Forget fame, though. Bigfoot has more important priorities. Specifically, stealing a burger from a "Food for Firefighters ONLY" station. One bite later, and his entire future career path is decided.

The Bigfoot costume deserves a mention. It looks like something that made its way to the floor in the clearance aisle after Halloween. The credits roll over colorful cartoon backgrounds and an upbeat tune, which somehow feels more expensive than most of the movie itself.

Once Big Foot Burgers opens, the film quickly reveals its true business model. Cleavage with a side of fries. The movie repeatedly tries to make cooking burgers look sexy, but the camera work and editing are so frantic that it often looks like people are suffering from mild electrical malfunctions. The acting is exactly what you'd expect from a movie called Big Foot Burgers. Nobody is hiding the budget either. At one point, the film literally uses an "AI Report" video to explain the restaurant's success story, complete with green-screen interviews.

Writer/director Cindy Lucas throws every idea imaginable at the wall. A recession hits. Gas prices rise. Commercials appear. Random celebrity cameos arrive. There are references to Becky LeBeau and Deborah Dutch that will probably only excite fans of obscure 1980s B-movies. Bigfoot spends much of the movie hanging out with groupies, receiving lap dances, and generally acting less like a legendary cryptid and more like a washed-up rock star. At one point, they're even making "Kick Kok" videos because subtle parody wasn't on the menu.

Most of the film consists of increasingly desperate attempts to save the restaurant, which mostly translates into finding new excuses to feature the waitresses. Despite all the effort, very little of it is funny. The jokes rarely land, the story barely exists, and the low-budget charm never becomes charming enough to overcome the sheer stupidity.

My initial concern after seeing the trailer turned out to be completely justified. Big Foot Burgers is every bit as awful as I feared, and unfortunately, not nearly funny enough to make that awfulness entertaining.

Big Foot Burgers (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/big-foot-burgers-2026/

Deep Water (2026) | Renny Harlin delivers exactly what I expected. A survival-thriller that rarely lets up, even when physics occasionally takes a lunch break. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.7/10. Sometimes a movie jumps up my watchlist based on nothing more than the name behind the camera. That was absolutely the case with Deep Water. As soon as I saw it was directed by Renny Harlin, the man who brought me a couple of my favorites, Die Hard 2 and Cliffhanger, this went from a casual "I'll get around to it eventually" to "alright, let's see what you've got."

Instead of immediately tossing us into screaming passengers and flying debris, Deep Water takes a surprisingly calm approach. We spend a little time with pilots Ben (Aaron Eckhart) and Rich (Ben Kingsley), getting a glimpse into their everyday lives before disaster strikes. Well, "everyday" might be stretching things when one of those scenes involves karaoke, but close enough. We also meet several passengers, and veteran disaster movie fans will quickly start making predictions about who is going to survive and who is being introduced purely as future shark food. The racist bully, the rude guy shoving through lines, the people who instantly trigger your internal "yeah, that one's not making it" alarm.

Once the emergency landing begins, Harlin delivers exactly what you hope for. The crash sequence looks great. The tension ramps up nicely. And the aftermath feels quite chaotic. We get a good mix of survivors, injuries, panic, and those souls floating face down. The film does a good job making the situation feel dangerous without turning everything into relentless misery. (If you look at the trailer still image here, I am pretty sure they cut that silly-looking scene.)

The sharks themselves are surprisingly convincing. Yeah, they're CGI, but they avoid that distracting rubbery look that sinks these kinds of movies. Every dip below the surface kept me glued because you never know if someone is gonna climb back onto the wreckage or become an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet. The movie repeatedly gives that false sense of safety before reminding you that hundreds of sharks did not gather here for sightseeing.

One thing I could not stop noticing was the miraculous durability of everyone's phones. I don't think I've ever seen so many people carrying expensive devices that can survive repeated underwater adventures and still function perfectly afterward. Forget the sharks, apparently the real science fiction element was the battery life.

Even though Deep Water mostly revolves around the sharks, the movie is actually a survival-action film rather than a horror. The focus is on the cooperation of the passengers, coping with the situation, and staying alive long enough for a rescue. The end does turn out to be rather typical for Hollywood movies, but Harlin embraces that choice with confidence

Deep Water (2026)

You've seen movies like Deep Water before, no question about it. The idea is far from groundbreaking. What I appreciated is that when the movie decides to be intense, it fully commits to that mission for 106 minutes. No unnecessary detours. No long stretches of boredom. Just a disaster movie that understands exactly what it wants to be and keeps its foot on the gas all the way to the credits.

https://jackmeat.com/deep-water-2026/

Saccharine (2026) | The monster looks like Jabba the Hutt's sleep paralysis demon, which became one of my favorite parts. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.7/10. There’s that Shudder logo again, which means you're either about to discover a hidden horror gem or spend the next two hours wondering how the pitch meeting ever got approved. Throw in the fact that Saccharine is an Australian horror film and the odds become even harder to predict.

The movie wastes little time establishing its themes. We get slow-motion shots of people stuffing their faces and exercising while Hana (Midori Francis), a medical student struggling with body image issues, gets introduced to a mysterious weight-loss study through Alanya (Madeleine Madden). Naturally, ominous music starts playing almost immediately because Hana is determined to lose weight for Alanya. To get in her pants, of course.

After reconnecting with Melissa (Annie Shapero) during a night out at a club, Hana takes one of these mystery diet pills and wakes up the next morning unsure of what happened. What she does know is that she's losing weight, and quickly. Before long she's obsessively tracking her progress and monitoring other people's transformations online. Being a medical student, she also has the unfortunate advantage of being smart enough to investigate exactly what she's putting into her body.

The answer is both disgusting and hilarious in a darkly twisted way. It turns out the weight-loss miracle involves consuming human ashes. More specifically, the ashes of Bertha, a cadaver Hana previously worked on during a medical procedure. So when Hana starts seeing Bertha's ghost lurking in reflections, it's hard not to laugh and think, "Well, yeah. You ground up part of her rib cage and swallowed it. That probably voids some sort of warranty."

To the film's credit, Saccharine comes up with some genuinely creepy imagery. The creature itself looks great, resembling something along the lines of Jabba the Hutt that is dragging around some unresolved trauma. Hana's horrific dreams, perpetual hunger, sleep-eating, and increasing grotesqueness result in quite a number of memorable horror scenes. The practical body horror effects work especially well here, as well as a couple of jump scares.

The biggest weakness of Saccharine lies in the fact that it does not know how to clearly define its genre. There is horror, there is satire, there is social commentary, and even some dark humor mixed into one movie, but it does not always come together nicely. The discussion of the body image and diet culture in society is relevant and entertaining, however, some other plot lines seem to be unnecessary and uninteresting. The subplot involving Hana's parents, for example, never contributes anything that I could tell.

At 112 minutes, the film also overstays its welcome. By the final act, I found my attention starting to drift as the story wandered through a few side roads that didn't really lead anywhere.

However, Saccharine is not a bad movie in any sense. It has its own original plotline (sorta like The Substance, not nearly as good) some good body horror moments, and also has some disturbing images that will remain with you after the movie. It is just unfortunate that the plot was rather loose and unfocused. However, I gotta say the ending is rather memorable. It is dark, nasty, and outright evil.

Saccharine (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/saccharine-2026/

Time of Death (2025) | I enjoyed the investigation far more than the ending, which somehow found room for several extra tragedies nobody ordered. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.3/10. Time of Death starts with the universal movie signal for "things are about to get very complicated." Michael Kelly is crawling toward an upside-down burning car with a woman and child trapped inside. Before you can ask any questions, the movie cuts to the credits and essentially says, "Relax, we'll get back to this eventually."

We then jump to December 1987 in the grim surroundings of Seneca Ridge Penitentiary, a decrepit institution that appears as if it has long ago become ripe for demolition. The warden, played by Kevin Pollak, awards a prisoner a pass out of the penitentiary for 48 hours, and it becomes evident from the start that the decision is a regrettable one. For the lucky prisoner.

Detective Frank Morley (Michael Kelly) is sent to investigate when that prisoner vanishes without a trace. Along the way he crosses paths with Sgt. Dale Aarons (Dennis Haysbert), whose voice remains one of the most authoritative things in cinema, and investigator Alan Murphy (Trevor Morgan), who begins uncovering strange connections to an execution that took place back in 1978. Unfortunately, Murphy contracts an aggressive case of death before he can explain much of what he found.

Considering it's a mystery movie, Time of Death does a decent job of creating suspense. The movie is not rushed into giving away all the details. Instead, we're taken on a journey through which we get occasional tidbits of information. There's sufficient mystery for us to be intrigued by and great performances that run throughout the film. Kelly handles the investigation with style, and then Mena Suvari shows up just as things become far too suspicious to ignore.

One of the movie's funniest accidental moments comes when Morley discovers the missing inmate's body outside his motel during a power outage. Naturally, he's outside looking for the breaker when he stumbles across the corpse. You know, the way these things happen all the time.

What surprised me most is that Time of Death really isn't much of a horror film despite some marketing that might suggest otherwise. It's far more interested in mystery and investigation, and for most of its runtime, I was digging that direction.

Then the final twenty minutes arrive like a wrecking ball.

The movie becomes so obsessed with closing its own clever little loop that it completely derails much of what it spent the previous hour establishing. The reveals themselves aren't terrible, but the execution feels forced and unnecessarily melodramatic. Characters start making decisions that exist purely to increase tragedy, including one particularly frustrating moment involving someone bleeding out when saving them seemed like a very realistic option. Apparently, common sense was also serving a sentence at Seneca Ridge.

The ending piles coincidence upon coincidence, stacking "oh crap" moments on top of one another until the whole thing starts feeling more contrived than shocking. I will give writer Jason Rosen credit for avoiding the safer Hollywood route, but different doesn't automatically mean better.

By the time the credits rolled, I was left with one final question. What exactly was this ancient prison constructed from? Dry pine needles soaked in gasoline? Because when things start burning, this place goes up like someone hid a warehouse full of fireworks behind every wall.

Time of Death is an interesting film with good acting and a great storyline. It is a pity that the end could not refrain from spoiling its own investigation at the same time.

Time of Death (2025)

https://jackmeat.com/time-of-death-2025/

Mārama (2026) | I went into Mārama completely blind and discovered that accepting mysterious letters to creepy mansions remains a terrible decision. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.7/10. Going into Mārama completely blind might actually be the best way to experience it. I knew absolutely nothing beyond the horror tag, skipped the trailer entirely, and just hit play. Sometimes that works out brilliantly. Other times you end up watching ninety minutes of interpretive dancing performed by haunted vegetables. Thankfully, Mārama lands much closer to the first category.

Set in the year 1859, this movie starts with a message indicating the fact that this movie is based on the colonized past of Aotearoa New Zealand and why it’s important to know the past in order to go forward. It becomes obvious right away that this movie doesn’t intend to become a popcorn horror movie with many jump scares and ridiculous choices made by the characters. That being said, taking a trip to a creepy mansion in the middle of nowhere has never exactly been a winning strategy.

We get a brief glimpse of a bloodied young woman trapped in a room. You know, the classic "don't worry, we'll come back to this later" opening, we meet Mary (Ariana Osborne). She arrives after receiving a letter from Thomas Boyd requesting her presence to discuss her family history. Unfortunately, Boyd manages to die before she gets there. The mid-1800s equivalent of sliding into her DMs, sorta.

Mary is quickly hired as governess to young Anne (Evelyn Towersey) by Nathaniel (Toby Stephens), the owner of a remote estate that practically screams "nothing suspicious is happening here." Naturally, plenty of suspicious things are happening there. As Mary, or Mārama, settles in, disturbing visions begin appearing whenever she looks into mirrors. It's probably one of the few movies where avoiding mirrors is genuinely solid advice.

The film is a deliberate slow burn, but it earns that pacing. The gothic atmosphere is thick. Mixing dread, revenge, grief, and colonial history into something far more thoughtful than your typical horror story. Rather than relying on cheap scares, Mārama builds suspense with an unsettling mood and the growing mystery surrounding Mary's family, her twin sister Amelia, and how Nathaniel's fits into it all.

From a visual standpoint, this film is superb. The outdoor settings are gorgeous, showing off New Zealand's landscapes, while the production design captures the period convincingly. The costumes, locations, and overall attention to detail make the world seem authentic.

Ariana Osborne holds most of the movie together and gives a great portrayal of a girl torn between two sides while discovering some very unsettling facts. The horror in this one is not about monsters but more about legacy, trauma, and the results of deeds that are not allowed to be forgotten.

Mārama may not appeal to those who expect to be continuously terrified or splattered with gore, but if you have an interest in gothic horror that relies on creating an atmosphere through characters and their stories with a bit of revenge thrown in, there's much to enjoy. Solid feature debut for Taratoa Stappard. I look forward to seeing more.

Mārama (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/marama-2026/

Don't Look Now (1973) | 2 years ago today, we lost Donald Sutherland. In typical form, he commands the screen in this chilling and thought-provoking film. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 7.2/10. It has been two years since we lost Donald Sutherland, so I figured it was time to dig up Don't Look Now. Going in, I honestly didn't remember much about it beyond hearing people talk about that scene for years. You may have read about it. The scene that apparently had audiences clutching their hearts back in 1973. Having finally seen it, I can understand why it got people talking. By modern standards it's pretty tame, but fifty-some years ago this was probably enough to make somebody spill their tea and write an angry letter.

I wasn't expecting just how good the movie itself is.

In Don't Look Now, we follow the journey of John and Laura Baxter, actors Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie, after the unfortunate death of their little girl. The two of them visit Venice since John is engaged in the renovation of an old church. Naturally, because this is a horror movie, Venice decides it has other plans. Before long, they encounter two mysterious sisters, one claiming to be psychic and able to communicate with their deceased child, and things get progressively weirder from there.

What caught me off guard this time was how little the horror mattered compared to the grief. The tragedy from the start of the film haunts everything else. Sutherland’s portrayal of a man desperately holding on to sanity amidst constant attempts to draw him into what he can’t understand is amazing. Likewise, the performance of Julie Christie as Laura, who takes this possibility much more seriously than anyone else, is excellent.

And then there's Venice.

I always see Venice portrayed as one of the most romantic cities in the world. Nicolas Roeg apparently took one look at that reputation and said, "Let's make it feel like a nightmare." The city looks incredible here. The narrow alleys, dark canals, endless maze of streets, and aging buildings create an atmosphere that's creepy as hell without even trying. Half the suspense comes from feeling like if you took one wrong turn, you weren't making it home. Ever.

The way in which Roeg directs his film also warrants credit. There is an element to the editing that might be confusing, but it is purposefully done. There is a consistent feeling of things being somewhat off because of the flashes of red, odd camera shots, and images.

And yes, the famous love scene is still here. What surprised me is how important it feels to the story. It isn't there just for shock value. It's one of those rare instances where John and Laura felt bonded amid their struggle.

By the time Don't Look Now reaches its final act, it becomes clear this isn't your typical horror flick. This is actually an extremely touching story of loss, wrapped up in ghostly puzzles culminating in an ending that will shock you decades later. Added to the brilliant performance of Donald Sutherland and Roeg’s stunning imagery, it is not hard to understand why this has become a highly acclaimed classic.

Don't Look Now (1973)

https://jackmeat.com/dont-look-now-1973/

Affection (2026) | Brilliant concept about memory and identity, until you realize the movie isn’t entirely sure how its tech works either. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.5/10. I have to say, Affection wastes no time making you feel uncomfortable. It begins with a car stalled on the road, door hanging wide open. That annoying "door is ajar" beeping is heard amidst the stillness. A woman is sprawled out on the road, facedown. She drags herself upright, only to seize violently, and before you can even process that, she’s stumbling into the road and gets hit by an oncoming car. It’s the kind of opening that immediately locks you in and makes you wonder what kind of sci-fi nightmare you’ve just stepped into.

Then Ellie wakes up in bed.

Jessica Rothe plays Ellie, a woman trapped in a reality she can’t reliably hold onto. Her memory keeps resetting, and the film puts us directly inside that disorientation. She’s trying to understand her life while constantly losing it, and Rothe sells that confusion and fear really well without ever overplaying it. Something is clearly wrong, but the film refuses to explain it cleanly at first.

Joseph Cross plays Bruce, the man who claims to be her husband, and his presence keeps the tension simmering. You’re never quite sure if he’s a stabilising force or part of the problem, and that uncertainty does a lot to keep you interested. Then there’s Alice, played by Julianna Layne, who honestly ends up being one of the most striking parts of the film. Her presence, and the strange puncture marks shared across both her and Ellie, hint at something far bigger and far more invasive going on than anyone wants to admit.

The mystery is strong enough to keep you engaged, and for a while it works. You’re constantly trying to piece things together, building theories as the story unfolds. I was even circling close to the truth at points, but never quite landing it. That’s usually a good sign for this kind of sci-fi thriller.

Where Affection starts to fall apart is in its own science fiction. It deals with memory manipulation, identity, consciousness transfer, and something loosely resembling cloning, but it can't seem to follow a clear set of rules. Every time it seems like the film is establishing how its technology works, it contradicts itself or shifts the goalposts. Instead of sharpening the mystery, it becomes tangled in its own mechanics until the explanation starts feeling more like noise than payoff.

That’s frustrating because the cast is solid across the board. Rothe carries the weight, Cross keeps the ambiguity alive, and Layne leaves a strong impression whenever she appears. B.T. Meza also directs with real focus at times, and there are moments where the film feels like it could break through into something excellent. But the production design and visual execution don’t fully match the ambition of the ideas, and the script never quite holds its own structure together.

Affection ends up as a classic “almost great” sci-fi thriller. We get strong performances, compelling mystery, and interesting ideas undermined by a screenplay that never builds a consistent rulebook. Since B.T. Meza is both writer and director, the fix feels pretty clear. There’s real directing talent here, but the script needed another set of hands to shape it into something cohesive. What we get instead is a fascinating, frustrating loop of a film that can’t quite remember what it wants to be.

Affection (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/affection-2026/

Josh Johnson: Symphony (2026) | Threw this on while doing PC maintenance and ended up laughing more than troubleshooting. That's a good sign. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 7.0/10. I haven’t watched any stand-up comedy specials for a while, but Josh Johnson: Symphony was a perfect watch while replacing the hard drive on my server. I have seen Josh Johnson in action in many episodes of The Daily Show, and I must say he makes me laugh every time.

The first thing I noticed is Johnson's storytelling ability. Taking mundane issues such as family, religion, and relationships, he has somehow found a way to bring out something from them that makes you laugh and at the same time, seems completely ridiculous.

The martial arts bit absolutely killed me. It is one of those routines that starts in a familiar place before spiraling into territory you never see coming. The neighbor story was another highlight and had me cracking up the hardest. Johnson has a talent for taking seemingly normal situations and uncovering the ridiculousness hiding underneath.

Unlike some comedians who rely on shock value or controversy, Josh Johnson uses clever storytelling and thoughtful observations. In other words, his special offers entertainment in an effortless manner.

Symphony may not reinvent stand-up comedy, but that really isn't why we watch these. Josh Johnson proves why he has become such a recognizable voice in comedy, and if you already enjoy his Daily Show segments, this special should fit you like a glove.

Josh Johnson: Symphony (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/josh-johnson-symphony-2026/

Wake Up (2024) | Predictable? Absolutely. But sometimes watching idiots wander into disaster is all the entertainment you need. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.3/10. Wake Up wastes no time introducing its group of young activists, who sneak into a giant furniture superstore after hours to make an environmental statement. Their master plan involves masks, vandalism, social media, and apparently very little consideration for how stores actually close at night.

Seriously, half of these kids would have been spotted long before the doors were locked.

The film opens with them hiding throughout the warehouse-sized store, and right away you have to accept a fairly large suspension of disbelief. If you've ever worked retail, your first thought might be, "There is no way these idiots made it past closing." But horror movies have never been particularly interested in practicality, so I rolled with it.

Meanwhile, we're introduced to a security guard, Kevin (Turlough Convery), who gets dumped onto the night shift after throwing a workplace tantrum. As horror movie setups go, this is roughly equivalent to seeing a shark swim into frame twenty minutes before someone decides to go surfing.

The activists themselves aren't exactly easy to root for. Their months-long plan appears to have involved very little actual planning, and every decision they make somehow manages to make the previous decision look smart by comparison. At several points I found myself wondering whether the writers were intentionally parodying these characters. The movie certainly feels self-aware enough to know how ridiculous some of their choices are.

Thankfully, once everything goes sideways, Wake Up becomes a lot more fun.

The doors lock for the night, and suddenly the group realizes they are trapped inside. You know, the thing doors famously do after a store closes. Watching their shock at this development gave me almost as much entertainment as the actual horror elements.

Then our disgruntled security guard starts turning the night into his own personal hunting expedition.

From there, Wake Up settles into slasher territory. The kills are brutal, the tension is solid, and the giant store makes for a surprisingly effective playground of death. One standout sequence involves the characters covered in neon paint while navigating near-total darkness. It looks fantastic, even if the movie had already established conditions that made the scene questionable. Horror logic wins again.

The biggest weakness is predictability. Almost every major development can be spotted well in advance, and the film rarely attempts to challenge slasher conventions. If you've watched enough horror movies, you'll probably find yourself accurately predicting who survives, who doesn't. And roughly when things are going to go very badly.

Still, Wake Up executes its familiar formula well. The production quality is strong, the setting works, and Convery makes for a memorable threat. Most importantly, the movie sticks the landing. Rather than reaching for a safe, feel-good Hollywood ending, it goes in a darker direction than I expected and feels far more appropriate. The final moments even sneak in one last wickedly dark joke before the credits roll.

Wake Up (2024)

Wake Up may not reinvent the slasher genre, but watching a group of painfully overconfident activists realize they chose the absolute worst security guard on Earth to annoy provides plenty of entertainment on its own.

https://jackmeat.com/wake-up-2024/

Heart of Stone (2023) | Not every twist lands perfectly, but Heart of Stone keeps throwing enough surprises around to stay entertaining. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.8/10. Another big-budget Netflix exclusive, this time starring Gal Gadot. Nice scenery to start this one off. Is it just me, or does Netflix seem to enjoy throwing money at snow lately? Heart of Stone takes us on a thrilling ride through a world of espionage, danger, and deception, led by Gal Gadot doing her usual thing where she looks like she belongs in every frame no matter what is going on around her.

As the big budget allows, the flick boasts some genuinely stunning visuals and solid action sequences that will keep you engaged from start to finish. The opening in the snowy mountains immediately sets a sense of scale and “yes, this definitely cost a lot to film.” The landscapes are doing a lot of work here, and to be fair, they’re pretty great at it.

Gal Gadot plays Rachel Stone, an intelligence operative caught in a web of intrigue, betrayal, and people making questionable life choices in high-security organizations. Her on-screen presence and physicality really shine in the action scenes, and she sells the role well enough that you mostly stop questioning how she’s still standing after everything she goes through. Rachel Stone is strong, resourceful, and constantly in situations where I would’ve simply retired and moved somewhere quiet halfway through.

The plot revolves around a global peacekeeping organization and its prized asset, which of course means everyone immediately wants it. Because that’s how these things always work. The narrative keeps things moving with plenty of twists, turns, and betrayals. At some point I stopped tracking loyalties and just accepted that nobody here is trustworthy for more than about ten minutes at a time.

While the action scenes are definitely a strong point, the film does try to sprinkle in emotional beats for the characters. Gadot adds some vulnerability to Rachel Stone alongside the determination, and Jamie Dornan does bring a bit more edge to his role than I expected. The supporting cast is solid too, even if some of the “character moment” scenes feel like the movie briefly remembering it has feelings before quickly going back to explosions.

Visually, Heart of Stone does a really good job balancing icy landscapes with the fiery chaos of everything else happening. The cinematography and production design make it feel polished and global in scale. It’s one of those movies where every location looks like it’s trying to outdo the last one, and it mostly works.

That said, the pacing does wobble a bit here and there, and some plot developments are definitely living in familiar spy-thriller territory. You’ll recognize the beats if you’ve seen even a handful of these, but it moves fast enough that you don’t really get stuck on it.

Still, it’s a decent addition to the espionage genre. Not groundbreaking, not reinventing anything, but entertaining enough to justify the runtime. A glossy, globe-trotting spy ride with enough twists to keep you paying attention, even if you occasionally find yourself thinking “yeah…this is definitely a Netflix action movie.”

Heart of Stone (2023)

https://jackmeat.com/heart-of-stone-2023/

The Rake Investigation (2025) | Boredom and stupidity spent 75 minutes battling for screen time, and somehow neither one lost. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 2.5/10. The Rake Investigation is another entry in the ever-expanding BCU (Bog Cinematic Universe?), proving that apparently every cryptid, urban legend, and creature someone once mentioned around a campfire deserves its own movie. This time the Bog crew heads back into the dark Northeast forest in search of the elusive Rake, and after watching the trailer I can honestly say I was warned. The warning signs were everywhere. I ignored them anyway. Sometimes curiosity wins. Sometimes curiosity gets punished for 75 minutes.

Things kick off with what can only be described as an acting masterclass, assuming the class is called "How Not to Deliver Dialogue." A mayor and a couple of construction workers discuss people mysteriously disappearing in the area, and within minutes I was already questioning every choice that led me to pressing play. The Bogman gets mentioned, people are vanishing, and the movie immediately establishes the level of horror quality we're working with.

Very soon, you meet yet another group of YouTube ghost hunters named Chasing the Unknown. The found-footage format will be familiar to you if you have been watching ghost hunter teams roaming around in the forest with cameras before. One running theme is that nobody seems to like Richard (Mitch Laing) very much. The movie spends a surprising amount of time showing us why, and after a while I started to understand their position. Unfortunately, understanding their dislike of Richard turned out to be more interesting than the actual investigation. And he wrote this, LOL.

The primary flaw in the movie is the sheer amount of time spent discussing rather than doing anything. Characters argue, gripe, roam about, and debate the Rake for what seems like an eternity without uncovering much of any importance. By the halfway point, boredom and stupidity were locked in a fierce battle for dominance over my viewing experience.

When the Rake finally makes more of an appearance, the results are...unique. The creature design is mostly practical, which is usually something I'd praise in a low-budget horror film. Here, however, it somehow works against the movie. The Rake ends up looking more goofy than frightening, and the filmmakers clearly hoped excessive sound effects would make up the difference. Spoiler alert: they don't.

I did get a slight chuckle out of the Bigfoot references and the casual way the film mentions all these other cryptids the crew has apparently encountered. At this point, the BCU feels less like a cinematic universe and more like someone emptying an entire book of urban legends onto the table and seeing what happens.

The Rake Investigation (2025)

Overall, The Rake Investigation feels like an inside joke that accidentally got turned into a feature-length movie. Between the weak acting, endless talking, uninteresting characters, and underwhelming creature work, there's very little I can recommend. I was warned, I watched it anyway, and now I can confidently pass that warning along to the next unfortunate viewer.

https://jackmeat.com/the-rake-investigation-2025/

Speed Demon (2026) | I watched a nun perform an exorcism on a speeding train and honestly had fewer questions than you would think. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.1/10. Something made me smile when I read the premise of Speed Demon. A runaway high-speed train. A possessed passenger. A nun who has lost her faith. An exorcism performed at 300 km/h. It sounds like someone watched Speed, any Exorcist flick, and maybe one too many late-night horror marathons before deciding, "Why not all of them at once?"

The film opens with a dark, dreamlike sequence involving a little girl searching for her father before a woman jolts awake. It does not take long for Speed Demon to explain the trauma behind those nightmares. Nor does it take long to reveal that the woman is Sister Lu (Katie Cassidy), a nun struggling with both her faith and a drinking problem. Honestly, a horror movie nun carrying around enough emotional baggage to qualify for excess airline fees is pretty standard these days.

Once the train gets moving, we meet the collection of passengers who will spend the rest of the movie trying very hard not to die. There's a guy saying goodbye to his new girlfriend, who gives him a mysterious gift for the journey, a priest played by William H. Macy, and the scene-stealer of the entire film, young Sofia, played by Sky Vaux Fuller. Sofia is adorable, funny, and somehow tougher than half the adults onboard. Every time she appeared, the movie instantly became more entertaining.

The biggest surprise was how much I enjoyed the group dynamic. The characters are undeniably hokey, but there is a genuine charm to the way they interact. Sister Lu's dry humor helps, and the cast's chemistry keeps things watchable even when the story is running low on ideas. Their relationships ended up being my favorite part of the entire movie.

Unfortunately, Speed Demon falls into the trap of believing that constant action automatically equals excitement. The action scenes arrive frequently, but they become repetitive surprisingly quickly. Characters run up train cars. Then they run down train cars. Then somebody gets thrown across a train car. Then everyone runs through another train car. After a while, I felt like I had travelled the full length of this train more times than the conductor.

Visually, the film is polished and looks far better than many movies of this type. The production values are solid, and the train setting works well enough to maintain some tension. The problem is that all the style in the world cannot make up for a story that doesn't have enough depth beneath the spectacle.

And seriously, the ending. Not content with serving a generous helping of Hollywood clichés, Speed Demon grabs the entire bowl, asks for seconds, and somehow still finds room for an overly optimistic sequel tease.

Speed Demon (2026)

Was it great? Not even close. But as a mindless horror watch after a long day at work, it gets the job done. No deep thinking required. Just demons, a train, exorcisms, and enough shots to qualify everyone on board for a pub crawl.

https://jackmeat.com/speed-demon-2026/

Mortal Kombat II (2026) | Mortal Kombat II embraces everything that makes the games fun, including the part where people's spines and heads become optional. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.7/10. Mortal Kombat II starts by throwing us straight into Edenia. A young Princess Kitana receives a protective necklace from her father, King Jarod. It's a nice little moment before Shao Kahn (Martyn Ford) inevitably arrives to remind everyone that peace and happiness aren't really things that exist in Mortal Kombat. There's some quick narration explaining the situation, a brutal outcome that fans will see coming from a mile away, and before long we're jumping ahead to an older Kitana (Adeline Rudolph) as Outworld issues its challenge to the Elder Gods.

In other words, they don't waste much time getting to the good stuff.

Right off the bat, what caught my attention was the confidence of Mortal Kombat II as opposed to the 2021 edition. The 2021 Mortal Kombat takes up too much time trying to shove a new character down our throats, when there are so many fan favorites already. This sequel finally puts the spotlight where it belongs.

That includes Johnny Cage.

His introduction might be my favorite in the entire movie. We get a wonderfully cheesy clip from one of his old action movies, Uncaged Fury, complete with a grainy logo and over-the-top action. Then reality hits, and we find him signing autographs at a convention while reliving his glory days. Karl Urban absolutely steals the show here. His version of Johnny Cage isn't nearly as arrogant as previous incarnations, but he's endlessly entertaining. Every scene he's in gets a boost. And if some of those younger-looking shots caught your eye, that's because they actually used his son, Indy Urban.

A brilliant decision was bringing Kano back. Josh Lawson was one of the strongest parts of the previous film, and I'm glad the filmmakers seemed to realize that. Kano continues to be a professional pain in everyone's backside, delivering some of the funniest moments in the movie. And Kano wouldn't be the same if his mortal enemy Sonya Blade (Jessica McNamee) didn't return as well.

Of course, nobody is buying a ticket to Mortal Kombat II for character development.

The fights are exactly what they should be. Fast-paced, brutal, visually stunning, and packed with iconic moves and fatalities from the games. The choreography is excellent. The weapon work looks fantastic. And the CGI blends seamlessly with all the ridiculous powers and effects. This is a noticeable step up from the 2021 movie.

As someone who recently finished Mortal Kombat X, I found it especially fun to spot locations and story elements pulled from the games. Writer Jeremy Slater clearly spent time looking at what fans actually love about the franchise, and director Simon McQuoid listened.

Keep an eye out for Ed Boon as a bartender too. The co-creator of Mortal Kombat sneaks into the movie for a fun little cameo.

I still think the 1995 Mortal Kombat has the better soundtrack, and Christopher Lambert remains my favorite Raiden, but in terms of faithfully recreating the games, Mortal Kombat II is easily the strongest adaptation yet. The production values are on another level compared to the '90s films, and gamers are going to eat this one up.

The general audience probably will too.

The fatalities, however, might leave a few people reconsidering exactly how many bones the human body is supposed to have.

Mortal Kombat II (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/mortal-kombat-ii-2026/

Vampires of the Velvet Lounge (2026) | A surprisingly funny vampire movie that reminds us some matches really are too good to be true. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.2/10. If modern dating apps weren't already a horror show, Vampires of the Velvet Lounge comes along and asks an important question. What if your next match was literally trying to drain your blood? Suddenly getting ghosted doesn't sound so bad.

The film opens with a lengthy recap of the Elizabeth Bathory story. You know the one. The legendary countess who was addicted to preserving her youthful beauty. It is rumored that she would bathe in the blood of young virgins before being locked up in a tower where she would later die. It’s nothing new, but it serves to set the stage for the contemporary vampire story that ensues.

The very first bar sequence was eye-catching for me because of its dull palette, which makes the red and green colors pop. Once the Green Fairy appeared and claimed her first victim, I could not help drawing a connection between this character and Nitara from the game Mortal Kombat. Practical and digital blood effects work well together and prepare us for the credits, backed by Anna Calvi singing Ain't No Grave.

Mena Suvari plays Elizabeth Bathory, while Tom Berenger shows up as Albert, a man determined to finally stop her. Backing him up are Dichen Lachman as Cora and Rosa Salazar as Alexis. Meanwhile, Elizabeth and her coven are using dating apps to lure unsuspecting men back to their absinthe lounge for feeding sessions and blood collection. It's probably the most extreme example of false advertising I've seen on a dating profile.

The victims include Stephen Dorff, Tyrese Gibson, and Lochlyn Munro. Dorff continues his tradition of appearing in some wonderfully oddball projects. Usually the movies he pops up in have some hidden twist or secret, but Vampires of the Velvet Lounge is pretty straightforward. It promises vampires, blood, and mayhem, then gets right to work delivering exactly that.

One thing I wasn't expecting was how funny this flick was. A line during a car scene comparing the situation to a drive-thru got a genuine laugh out of me. Vague description, but I don't want to spoil it. In fact, every time a vehicle enters the story, something ridiculous seems to follow. The film never takes itself too seriously, and it's better for it.

The action is equally entertaining. A chaotic bar sequence delivers plenty of violent fun, and there is absolutely no shortage of blood. Most of it is digital, but writer/director Adam Sherman isn't shy about covering the screen in as much red as possible. Combined with the noir-style narration, dance-heavy soundtrack, and colorful visual effects, the movie creates an energetic atmosphere that feels part horror film, part nightclub fever dream.

Beneath all the bloodshed, Vampires of the Velvet Lounge even slips in a surprisingly effective warning about online dating. Through computer screen montages and a few clever observations from the coven, the film suggests that blindly trusting strangers online can have consequences. Usually it's an awkward date. Here, it's becoming part of someone's skincare routine.

Vampires of the Velvet Lounge (2026)

Vampires of the Velvet Lounge is not trying to change the face of vampire films. The goal of the movie was to be fashionable, sexy, humorous, and incredibly gory. Good news. It delivers, mostly. If you feel like watching a gory, fast-paced vampire movie that will leave you in stitches, this one has guilty pleasure written all over it.

https://jackmeat.com/vampires-of-the-velvet-lounge-2026/