My quick rating - 1.4/10. I'll admit I picked this one for one reason. That title. Amityville Death Toilet is so incredibly stupid that curiosity got the better of me. At only 71 minutes, I figured even if it was terrible, it would be over before anger set in.
It starts exactly how I expected. A guy sitting on the toilet suffering through some truly awful gas before a cleaver suddenly swings out from inside the bowl and hacks him to pieces. The practical effects look like they came straight from the local Halloween shop, and before the opening credits the toilet has already expanded its arsenal to include a gun and even a plunger. I checked the runtime and realised I still had another 66 minutes of this.
Gregg G. Allin (Isaac Golub) plays a paranormal podcaster investigating the latest murders in Amityville. Thankfully, the movie at least makes it to Amityville, New York, giving it the bare minimum connection to the franchise. Unfortunately, they try passing off someone's ordinary suburban house as the famous Amityville home. Apparently, two windows next to each other is close enough.
The soundtrack constantly acts like something exciting is happening, blasting dramatic action music over random establishing shots. It reminded me a lot of Amityville Karen, where everyone seemed to be improvising dialogue instead of following a script. Gregg himself isn't much better, wandering around with what is supposed to be a healing crystal but looks more like one of those souvenir glass paperweights you'd buy at a truck stop. (No trailer online - check the entire movie below if you are mad at yourself)
Director Evan Jacobs casts himself as Sebastian, the house's caretaker, and the production only gets sillier from there. Plastic body parts bounce around the floor. Endless fart noises fill the soundtrack. Birds and fish suddenly appear thanks to bargain-bin visual effects. And the classic "pause the camera and move the actor" trick gets a serious workout. About the only joke that I actually laughed at was Gregg proudly announcing, "I'm up to 199 followers."
The finale somehow manages to become even more ridiculous than all the crap before it. I still have no idea what the guy in the monkey mask was doing, but by then I'd stopped looking for answers. Except, I wonder if they paid their kids to hold their palms to their faces and contribute to the sound mix with those farting noises.
There's a fine line between making a movie that's intentionally ridiculous and one that's simply incompetent. Amityville Death Toilet occasionally stumbles into "so bad it's funny" territory, but almost all the laughs come from laughing AT the movie rather than WITH it. Trust me, there are far better horror-comedy options to stream. If you're looking to watch a killer toilet wave around weapons for just over an hour, then congratulations, you've found your masterpiece.
