Feed (2026) | Feed is a decent little indie vampire flick, assuming you can tolerate influencers making stupid decisions while being hunted. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.5/10. Thankfully, Feed wastes no time establishing that its vampires are not here to play nice. We open in Ireland in 1897 with a couple of blindfolded men dragging a bloody body through the forest before dumping it headfirst into a hole. The only problem? Bloody doesn't necessarily mean dead. Soon enough, everyone is screaming for their lives, one unfortunate bastard gets taken down by a sword-wielding kid, and said kid casually brushes his teeth with the man's blood. And then we get the title - Feed. Subtle? No. Effective? I'll give it that.

Fast-forward to the present, where five young adults head off to a forest retreat. Naturally, some of them are already socially obsessed and irritating enough to make you wonder whether the vampire is actually the victim here. I spotted Orla (Grace Collender) as the final girl almost immediately, especially once she started having strange visions. Let's see if I was right.

The movie then gives us an intervention designed to get Orla back ON social media so she can help her supposed best friend sell shit. Because apparently nothing says friendship like dragging someone into the woods to fix their engagement numbers. And that best friend is a real bitch, by the way.

Things get considerably more interesting when a naked, seemingly insane woman wanders into the picture with some seriously creepy eyes. The vampire's ability to control people telepathically is a nice touch, and the effects mostly appear to be practical, which I always appreciate. There is some CGI later on, but thankfully nothing that made me want to claw my own eyes out.

There are still plenty of moments where the writing starts asking questions the movie really should have answered itself. The sun clearly affects the vampire lady, for example, so when the survivors are literally standing at the front door, I'm wondering why nobody thinks, Hey, remember that giant ball of vampire-killing fire outside? Also, I have absolutely no idea where the previously naked vampire woman acquired a trench coat, but apparently even ancient vampires have access to emergency outerwear.

Feed isn't terrible. It has some decent atmosphere and practical effects. I did find their vampire gimmick interesting. And enough bloody nonsense to keep things moving. The characters occasionally make decisions that seem specifically designed to help the vampire with her evening plans, but that's hardly unusual in a horror movie.

Feed (2026)

It's not exactly a revelation in the vampire department, but you could do considerably worse with an indie vampire flick. Just don't expect the influencers to suddenly become less irritating bFeedecause they're being hunted by the world's first vampire. If anything, that seems to make them double down.

https://jackmeat.com/feed-2026/

Meg 2: The Trench (2023) | With Mutiny coming this weekend, I revisited Meg 2. Great visuals but so hokey I wondered if this was Fast & Furious: Fish Tank Edition. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.5/10. Pretty sure they took The Meg and threw it into a pot with Fast & Furious. Stirred vigorously, and then dumped the goo into the ocean. That pretty much explains Meg 2: The Trench.

I went into this expecting at least some of the horror vibe from the first movie. Instead, this sequel gradually turns into a full-blown underwater action spectacle where the megalodons are apparently just another item on the Hollywood "things Jason Statham can punch" checklist.

The movie picks up after the events of The Meg, with Jonas Taylor (Jason Statham) once again heading into the deep to deal with giant prehistoric sharks. This time, a shady mining operation threatens the research team's mission and, naturally, everyone's lives. Because apparently the deepest, darkest parts of the ocean weren't dangerous enough without someone deciding to start drilling.

The opening stretch is actually pretty damn good. The underwater exploring adds an air of adventure to the film. The visuals really do a good job of capturing the magnitude and beauty, but also the fear of the abyss. There's something about looking out at the dark depths below and knowing that there are most likely creatures lurking that want to eat you.

Then the movie remembers it's supposed to be a giant Hollywood popcorn flick.

The more it progressed, the more the suspense was substituted by an increasingly absurd array of action scenes. I kept waiting for that tense, claustrophobic feeling from the first to return, but Meg 2 would rather throw another explosion at me.

And that is where the trouble began. Not that a film involving prehistoric sharks has to have realism. Of course, we have already crossed that line and thrown it into the mouth of a megalodon. There are times when the film veers into such hokeyness that it begins to undermine itself.

The dinosaur-like creatures that suddenly become major predators are a perfect example. They feel like somebody in the writers' room said, "You know what this needs? More shit with teeth."

And there are plenty of other moments where the movie seems determined to out-stupid itself. I can take ridiculous if the movie is dedicated to it, but Meg 2 sometimes comes across as trying to make me take the ridiculousness seriously right after making me laugh at it.

Luckily, Jason Statham is still Jason Statham, so this film has Statham looking ready to take care of any worldwide emergency using nothing more than a wrench and his attitude. Page Kennedy also steals practically every scene he's in, providing some much-needed comic relief whenever the movie starts taking itself too seriously.

The underwater visuals really save this one. It does a fantastic job at portraying how vast and mysterious the ocean can be, and the deep-sea footage is by far the best part of the film. The problem is that the film loses a lot of this mood to larger action and explosions.

That's my biggest disappointment. The Meg succeeded in making its ludicrous plot work by adding enough suspense to create some threat from the giant shark. Meg 2 seems to care more about making the megalodon the star of an aquatic action franchise.

With a couple of movies by Ben Wheatley under my belt, I knew what to expect (Normal was anything but). However, it didn’t dawn on me that Meg 2 would turn out to be the Fast & Furious: Deep Sea Drift. It’s fun. The action is in place, and there are enough massive sharks to keep the popcorn popping. Just don't go looking for the dread of the first installment.

Meg 2: The Trench (2023)

Meg 2: The Trench is less "something terrifying is lurking beneath us," and more "Jason Statham has approximately 90 minutes to beat the shit out of the ocean." Wonder who the target will be this weekend in Mutiny?

https://jackmeat.com/meg-2-the-trench-2023/

Her Private Hell (2026) | Her Private Hell looks great, but after an hour, I was begging the neon nightmare to actually give me a story. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.1/10. Her Private Hell starts with a futuristic-looking cityscape buried under enough fog, I was wondering if the budget went to the cast or a really expensive smoke machine. Elle (Sophie Thatcher) arrives at the Tower hotel, which looks exactly as ominous as a place called the Tower hotel should. There she meets Hunter (Kristine Froseth), before Dominique (Havana Rose Liu), Elle's stepmother, joins them for some truly narcissistic dialogue that somehow manages to tell us almost nothing about the movie they're supposedly there to make.

Naturally, we get the family backstory instead. Elle's father is Johnny Thunders (Dougray Scott), because apparently everyone in this universe needs a name that sounds like it belongs on a progressive rock album.

Then a mysterious mist engulfs the advanced metropolis and unleashes a deadly, elusive entity. And then the strange mist surrounds the highly advanced city and releases a lethal, mysterious creature. In the meantime, an American GI soldier, Private K (Charles Melton), undertakes a terrible quest to save his daughter and comes across a mentally unstable girl looking for her father. Now, if all of this seems exciting, join the club. I thought so, too.

Visually, they absolutely nailed the movie-within-the-movie. The retro high-tech aesthetic has a great old-school sci-fi quality, particularly during the girls' filming scene. I got a dated William Shatner-era Star Trek vibe. The film is directed by Nicolas Winding Refn, so people who have seen films of his know that the film will offer them lots of neon colors and carefully composed shots.

And the visuals really are impressive. Even the initial Private K sequence has an interesting pan-and-scan quality that makes the whole thing feel like some forgotten piece of futuristic VHS trash that somehow received a very expensive makeover.

Unfortunately, around the one-hour mark, I said out loud, "This is boring." That is generally not the reaction you want with roughly 50 minutes left.

The themes are there. Unstable families. Fame as a prison. Fathers and daughters. The crushing emptiness lurking beneath glamour. It would appear that Refn is attempting a "Neon Giallo" horror film, full of metaphorical visual imagery and dream logic. Unfortunately, there simply isn’t enough story to support all that visual poetry.

Things happen. Then other things happen. Characters move through increasingly beautiful images. More things happen.

Eventually, I realized I was watching events rather than a story.

This is a prime example of style over substance. Her Private Hell is an absolute treat in terms of its look, but it never gives any significance to that imagery in terms of plot to get me interested. It's a beautiful nightmare that forgot to give me a reason to have the nightmare.

There are films where the lack of conventional storytelling becomes hypnotic. This isn't one of them. In this case, the dreamlike staging gradually turns into a test of endurance, and what once was mysterious soon becomes wondering if we are ever going to get a story.

A generous 4.1, largely because this thing looks so damn good. For about 110 minutes, I was trapped inside someone else's visual poetry exercise.

Turns out, Her Private Hell was my private hell.

Her Private Hell (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/her-private-hell-2026/

It Ends (2026) | It Ends traps four recent grads on an endless highway where the car never needs gas, phones never die, and AAA doesn't exist. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.2/10. I got an early look at It Ends, which starts with four recent graduates heading out for some late-night grub and one final hangout before life sends them all in different directions. Instead, they accidentally turn onto a two-lane road that apparently has no friggin' end.

The movie opens with an empty vehicle sitting beside a forest road in the middle of nowhere, its door hanging open and the warning beep merrily announcing that something has gone very wrong. Then we cut to what appears to be the same vehicle earlier, before whatever happened to it. Four young adults pile into a Jeep Cherokee and head off. The good news is that nobody is immediately irritating, and they don't seem to hate each other either, which already puts It Ends ahead of plenty of horror movies.

Eventually, they realize they should have reached their destination by now. They turn around, figuring they missed a turn, only to hit a dead end. That's when they realize something else is going on. After stopping to collect themselves, the shit really hits the fan.

And that is when It Ends. Okay, the movie doesn't actually end 15 minutes in. That's just when the title finally appears, because apparently things are about to get weird.

Stopping the car seems to attract a mob that wants nothing more than to bum-rush them like shoppers on Black Friday back in the day. The road is always straight, the car never seems to need fuel, and nobody develops the inconvenient problems of hunger, sleep deprivation, dead phone batteries, or eventually asking, "So... are we just going to drive forever?"

At 56,182 miles, about 44 minutes in, the focus shifts to Tyler (Mitchell Cole). Something happens to him, so let's just say the attention isn't exactly random. We then get "Way Later" on screen, accompanied by upbeat music and a montage of the car driving that feels like the opening credits to a TV show nobody wanted to watch.

They've even already hypothesized that they are stuck in purgatory, and really, I don't think I could come up with a more appropriate answer than that. I mostly wondered whether writer/director Alex Ullom had figured out how to escape the highway-shaped corner he'd driven himself into.

Day (Akira Jackson) and Fisher (Noah Toth) get the spotlight at 835,471 miles, followed by James (Phinehas Yoon) at 1,153,956 miles. I liked the idea of focusing on each character as the journey continued, and the ending was funny whether it was supposed to be or not.

It Ends is far more existential than horror. There are a couple of jump scares early on, but the real tension comes from psychological exhaustion and being trapped in a surreal highway loop with no off-ramp. It's about purpose, existence, and appreciating the little things when you have no idea where you're going.

Ullom provides us with food for thought, but the movie keeps driving for too long without offering answers to the many questions it raises. I thought I was watching some elongated, lost episode of The Twilight Zone.

It Ends (2026)

Instead of a traditional slasher, It Ends turns an endless highway into a metaphor for feeling stuck and searching for meaning. I just occasionally felt like I was the one trapped in the Jeep with them.

Hitting theaters on 08.21.26, so check back later for streaming links.

https://jackmeat.com/it-ends-2026/

Run (1991) | I remembered liking Run, and thankfully 2026 me agrees that this silly little ’90s action flick still knows how to have fun. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.0/10. I’ll admit it. I remember plopping Run (1991) on at West Coast Video on workdays when I couldn’t think of anything else. I also remember liking it quite a bit. So, naturally, it’s time to find out whether 1991 me had terrible taste or whether 2026 Jackmeat can still recognize a good time.

Boston law student and part-time mechanic Charlie Farrow (Patrick Dempsey) gets asked by his boss to deliver a new Porsche from Boston to Atlantic City. Because apparently “law student and mechanic” is the perfect resume for driving an expensive car across state lines. Naturally, the Porsche breaks down just outside Atlantic City.

While Charlie waits for repairs, a cab driver mistakes him for a high roller and drops him at a casino where he can grab some food. Charlie then proceeds to beat local tough guy Denny Halloran (A.C. Peterson) at poker, which is generally not the ideal way to introduce yourself to a town where Denny’s father owns the casino, the police force, and seemingly every other building.

Things get worse when Denny starts a fight, trips, smacks his head on the sharp corner of the counter and dies. Charlie, who has apparently never heard the phrase “No one cares if you're innocent,” becomes the prime suspect. Suddenly he’s running from both the cops and Matt Halloran’s henchmen, while the body count starts climbing.

And yep, this is bringing it all back.

There’s something wonderfully 1990s about Run. The music, the overhead city shots that were apparently filmed by a helicopter because drones didn’t exist, and Patrick Dempsey jogging around before casually taking all his buddies’ money in poker. Then comes the offer to deliver a car to Atlantic City and, for a brief moment, it looks like we’re getting a nice little highway-cruising movie.

Nope. Car breaks down. Welcome to hell.

Kelly Preston plays Karen, the one person in town who knows Charlie is innocent and reluctantly helps him out. She’s good in the role, especially considering Karen repeatedly finds herself helping a guy whose survival strategy seems to be making increasingly terrible decisions. That name didn't have a double meaning back then.

And that’s really Run in a nutshell. Bad decisions. And luck.

Charlie is not some unstoppable action hero. He’s basically a wimpy outsider who has stumbled into a town run by a crime boss and has to spend the rest of the movie running for his life. Instead of the usual “shady guy owns a town and the outsider beats the shit out of everyone” setup, Run asks a more realistic question. What if the outsider is just some dude who really, really does not want to die?

There’s also a memorable dog-racing subplot that I had completely forgotten about until it showed up, at which point my brain went, "OH CRAP, I remember this." That might be the most uttered phrase in my head all movie long.

Is Run (1991) great? Absolutely not. It’s silly, ridiculous, and the plot requires Charlie to make enough questionable decisions to keep the movie going. But it has that particular early-’90s action-thriller charm that’s becoming increasingly difficult to fake. It’s energetic, dumb in mostly entertaining ways, and has exactly the sort of ridiculous premise that used to make grabbing a random VHS from West Coast Video a perfectly acceptable way to spend an evening.

Run (1991)

Turns out 1991 Jackmeat wasn’t completely full of shit. (A few years later in 1994, that nickname is born and used everywhere online.)

Still silly fun.

https://jackmeat.com/run-1991/

Soulm8te (2026) | Soulm8te is what happens when a lonely guy gets a naked robot girlfriend and immediately starts editing her code. Where's the problem? #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.1/10. Soulm8te starts with some soothing music before sliding into a sex scene that is clearly being monitored. It eventually ends with some unwanted autoerotic asphyxiation, then cuts to an ad for a tech company working on home automation. So yeah, you can probably figure out the woman doing the choking was a robot. Subtle stuff.

After a ruthless tech giant acquires a small robotics company, grieving engineer David (David Rysdahl, who clearly won't be missing those production cues) gets tasked with testing their new AI companion. When he decides to reprogram her to become a truly sentient soulmate, she develops needs of her own and eventually unleashes a precision-engineered spree of mayhem.

I quickly recognized our android Sara/Lydia as Lily Sullivan, who played Beth in Evil Dead Rise. There has been a suspicious amount of Evil Dead crossover in my recent viewing. I am apparently living in an Evil Dead cinematic universe. And I like it.

At first, the soulmate is just a cloud-based AI companion. Then the full-size, naked robot arrives. Good news, she comes with a schoolgirl outfit, because apparently the filmmakers wanted to make absolutely certain nobody misunderstood what this companion was designed for. LOL.

Those pulsating eyes when Sara goes into power-saving mode are creepy. David, meanwhile, takes approximately twelve seconds to plug himself into Sara's system and start removing safeguards so she can act more "human." Has anyone informed David that humans can often suck? He also doesn't take long to start plugging something else into her, while simultaneously editing her computer code left and right and generally tinkering with the expensive murder robot.

Pretty dumb move for a supposedly smart guy.

Of course, the pretty android eventually gets attacked by a sleazy asshole so she can kick the shit out of him. It's already an obligatory scene in this particular flavor of killer-robot movie. Another familiar trope arrives in the form of David's real-life friend Aubrey (Claudia Doumit), who naturally becomes a threat to the robot love affair.

And there is a kill in this one that you won't soon forget. LOL. Director Kate Dolan works in a couple of good kills, and that's where the movie starts having some fun with itself.

Soulm8te reminded me a lot of Companion, just not quite as well made. Sullivan does a good job with the robotic expressions and movements, giving Sara that slightly-off quality that makes these android characters work. People seem to be comparing this one more to M3GAN, which makes sense because both movies are connected through that Elsie home assistant. So apparently they exist in the same killer-robot universe.

The internet, naturally, has decided this movie is better than everything else in the genre because that's apparently the sheep move you're supposed to make now. I would put it somewhere around M3GAN 2.0. For comparison, Companion is better than all three.

This was shot before Obsession and then dumped onto streaming after M3GAN 2.0 flopped at the box office, which probably explains why it feels like something that was sitting around waiting for its turn.

It's cheesy, it's fun, and it's worth a one-off view. Just don't expect the next great killer-robot movie.

Soulm8te (2026)

Side note: Please pay attention to the English language. The movie should be titled "Soulm8", NOT "SoulmEIGHTte" as this title implies. You're welcome.

https://jackmeat.com/soulm8te-2026/

Corporate Retreat (2026) | Not the worst Saw knockoff I've seen, but definitely one where “team bonding” takes a very literal and extremely bloody turn. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.3/10. At least Corporate Retreat didn't waste time establishing that this team-building exercise is going to be a little more aggressive than trust falls and a tug-of-war. The movie opens with sweeping shots of a gorgeous estate, followed by some dead bodies, because apparently the HR department at Immaculate Ponds has a very different definition of “company culture.”

Then we meet the employees: Cliff (Elias Kacavas), Ginger (Odeya Rush), Carl (Ashton Sanders), Devin, Billie, Omar, Deborah (Rosanna Arquette), Aubrey, and enough other people to make me wonder whether the film was going to remember all of them. Or more importantly, am I supposed to? It helpfully flashes their names and job titles on screen, so at least someone in the production knew I was going to need a cheat sheet.

They're all heading to a corporate retreat, although Cliff has told Ginger they're going on a romantic getaway. That lie probably works better when the destination isn't a mansion where the welcome package includes hanging corpses.

It doesn't take long before someone discovers the bodies and gets grabbed, kicking off a series of Saw-lite trials that deliver plenty of practical gore and some nasty kills. Unfortunately, the movie occasionally lets the CGI blood ruin the fun. One early beheading has blood that doesn't even splatter onto the ground, which is a pretty significant problem when your movie is trying to convince me someone just lost their head. The practical effects fare much better, and when Corporate Retreat gets messy, it can get properly messy.

The corporate satire is there, too, although the script doesn't squeeze nearly enough blood from that particular stone. There are plenty of opportunities to turn workplace politics, ambition, and soulless corporate culture into something truly vicious, but the movie settles for being more of a survival horror with corporate wallpaper. I still identified with plenty of the corporate nonsense enough to enjoy the jabs Aaron Fisher did take.

Rosanna Arquette is also criminally underused. Why bring in Arquette and then barely let her have fun? That's basically a corporate crime in itself. The disgruntled ex-owner Arthur, played by Alan Ruck was a fun nostalgic touch.

Odeya Rush, meanwhile, surprised me. She does a good job carrying the material, especially considering this is very much the sort of horror movie where someone's primary job requirement eventually becomes “try not to get horribly murdered.” The film also knows exactly the audience it's targeting, including one particularly overdrawn eyeball-gouging scene that will absolutely test the limits of anyone who doesn't enjoy watching eyeballs being introduced to blunt objects.

The biggest problem is the script. There's a decent horror-comedy buried in here, and the practical gore, dark humor, and occasional twists show flashes of what this could have been with a little more polish. Instead, it feels like a Saw knockoff that occasionally remembers it has a corporate comedy hiding somewhere inside it.

Corporate Retreat (2026)

Still, it's not the worst Saw ripoff I've seen. There's enough blood, ridiculousness, and black humor to keep it moving, and the ending got an actual laugh out of me. Because naturally, after all that corporate carnage and eyeball-spooning, the movie ends with “Can't Take My Eyes Off You.” That's probably the most appropriate performance review the movie could give itself.

https://jackmeat.com/corporate-retreat-2026/

The Death of Robin Hood (2026) | Hugh Jackman makes a convincing Robin Hood, although this version spends considerably less time stealing from the rich and more time regretting it. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.2/10. My quick rating - 6.2/10. It starts with some pretty bitter weather, a woman picking berries off a half-dead bit of shrubbery in Anno Domini 1247. Or 1247 AD, if you didn't know what the letters stood for. She eventually collapses on the freezing ground, at which point a random dude finds her and sets up a fire. The old man turns out to be Hugh Jackman, who informs her that no one looks out for the meek and that she should make haste if she ever meets this Robin Hood. Sets the tone for The Death of Robin Hood.

Shortly after, she attempts to sneak up on him and discovers that this was excellent advice.

This is not the Robin Hood story where everyone has suspiciously perfect teeth, immaculate medieval clothing and enough energy to perform a sword fight after riding a horse for six hours. The Death of Robin Hood goes for something considerably darker and more grounded. Mostly grounded in mud, misery and what appears to be a complete lack of central heating.

There are some beautiful landscapes as Robin and his pal Edward, played by Bill Skarsgård, wander through the medieval countryside. The setting creates a world that feels immersive and authentic, although authenticity in this case seems to mean everyone is cold, exhausted, dirty and about three minutes away from a horrible death.

And when the violence does arrive, it is brutal. This isn't the glorious Robin Hood of old, firing arrows while dramatically standing on horseback and stealing from rich people who deserve it for being rich. This Robin Hood has spent a lifetime committing crimes and killing people, and the film is much more interested in what that does to a man.

Gravely injured after a battle he believes will be his last, Robin ends up in the hands of a mysterious woman who offers him a chance at salvation. From there, the movie settles into its real purpose. Getting Robin to confront the consequences of his life and the considerable weight of his past.

And it takes its bloody time doing it.

This is very slow. Not "put the kettle on during a quiet scene" slow. More "the kettle has boiled, you've made the tea, finished the tea, washed the mug and Robin is still contemplating his life choices" slow.

But the slower approach does give the film room for some good dialogue and genuine reflection. Jackman is also a strong Robin Hood, even if he's playing a version of the character who is less interested in swinging from ropes and more interested in wondering where it all went wrong.

It is a sincere movie, and I appreciate that. There is clearly an attempt to do something different with a character we've seen reinvented about as many times as Hollywood can find reasons to visit Sherwood Forest.

It may not be an instant classic, and the pacing will probably test your patience if you are expecting a traditional Robin Hood adventure. But it's a solid, well-made and surprisingly thoughtful take on the character. Just don't expect much swashbuckling. This is Robin Hood after the fun years, when the bills are due and the consequences have finally arrived.

The Death of Robin Hood (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/the-death-of-robin-hood-2026/

Thingy (2026) | Thingy starts with a hookup gone wrong and eventually becomes a gooey supernatural house party nobody should have RSVP’d to. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 3.9/10. Thingy opens with the usual drunken partygoers being caught on camera before settling into an overhead shot of a town. A lone woman waits on a corner for her online date. And by “date,” I mean the sort of date that skips dinner, conversation, and any pretense of getting to know each other and heads straight to a motel room.

After their quick session, the guy heads into the bathroom looking like he has contracted something significantly worse than regret. He emerges, chokes her, and leaves her unconscious with a nice little saliva bonus in her mouth. So what are we dealing with here? A warning about the dangers of online hookups? A PSA about condoms? A statement that humanity is inherently evil? Thingy isn't particularly interested in clearing that up.

Instead, we follow Frankie (Dora Hewitt), who reluctantly heads to a remote house party to avoid her ex. Along the way, she and her friend drive past the motel and notice the emergency response. Naturally, this information does absolutely nothing to stop everyone from proceeding with their evening.

The party introduces us to the usual collection of young adults through a suspicious amount of selfie-camera footage. I am sure that is meant to make us care about them. Doesn't really work. In Silas's case, it mostly establishes how annoying he is, particularly when he's doing his wannabe rapper routine. Frankie eventually hooks up with Jason (Zach Schnitzer), and before long everyone starts playing Hot Seat, a game that should really be called We Will All Be Trying to Kill Each Other in Approximately One Minute.

Thingy moves at a pretty leisurely pace, using young-adult drama, drinking games, relationship angst, and general party stupidity to keep things moving. If you've ever been to one of those house parties where half the people are drinking, some are doing drugs, others are disappearing for sex, and nobody actually knows what anyone else is doing, that's the uncomfortable and familiar feeling I remember.

The supernatural force spreads through physical contact, producing some impressively gooey clear slime that Thingy clearly wants you to find disgusting. The practical blood effects work well enough, although the kills themselves are mostly mundane repeated bashings. The synth soundtrack kicks in whenever something is happening, just in case you weren't sure that something was happening.

There's also one questionable decision that pissed me off. Frankie finds Wendy passed out after taking all her pills and then puts her behind the wheel to drive home. Because apparently surviving the supernatural outbreak isn't enough. Somebody has to add vehicular manslaughter to the evening's itinerary.

Writer/director Jae Matthews never really explains what this thing is. I am sure that is on purpose. It's basically an STD on steroids crossed with zombies, with a generous helping of saliva. There are also dangling subplots involving schizophrenia and pregnancy that never amount to much. And after all the face-sucking, apparently the infection needs one final mouth-to-mouth slime transfer for maximum gross-out effect.

Thingy (2026)

The concept has been done before, and better. Thingy isn't terrible, but there's not much story here. The kills are ordinary, the characters range from tolerable to irritating, and the ending barely qualifies as an ending. Imagine being invited to a party, discovering everyone is annoying, and then realizing nobody actually planned how to get home. That's what you get if you hit play.

https://jackmeat.com/thingy-2026/

Bayi Ajaib (2023) | Indonesia has been cranking out some great horror flix and this one is scary enough to recommend even if a step down from others #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.4/10. In case you didn’t know, Indonesia does some scary-ass horror movies. So, when one manages to fall into my circle, I am always eager to watch it. Bayi Ajaib is a remake of an Indonesian horror movie of 1982 called Bayi Ajaib. Having never seen the original, I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to pretend that I can judge the remake based on that. So I won't.

The story follows Kosim (Vino G. Bastian), a man who unexpectedly strikes gold in the village of Hirupbagja. Suddenly flush with cash, he marries Sumi (Sara Fajira), and life appears to be heading in a considerably better direction. Naturally, because this is a horror movie, that's about where the good news ends.

Their child becomes the vessel for a malevolent supernatural force, and what initially looks like a blessing quickly turns into a very serious case of your baby is possessed by something evil and everybody should probably start running.

Director Rako Prijanto clearly knows his horror history. Bayi Ajaib wears its influences pretty openly, particularly The Exorcist and Evil Dead. Some of the imagery and supernatural mayhem feel like they're tipping their hat directly at those classics, but Prijanto generally handles the material well, particularly as the movie heads toward its finale.

Where the movie really gets interesting for me is the Indonesian folklore and culture woven through the horror. The village setting, local beliefs, traditions, and superstitions give the movie an identity beyond simply throwing another possessed child at us and hoping everyone screams. There is something genuinely appealing about watching horror rooted in a culture and mythology that isn't the same collection of familiar Western demons we've seen a thousand times.

The performances also work. Bastian and Fajira pull off the fear and desperation quite convincingly, so I never found myself shaking my head. I saw the film with subtitles, and I would have to give some credit to whoever was behind them, as I never found myself wondering whether I was watching a horror film or some accidental comedy. Bad subtitles can certainly ruin a foreign language film. Luckily, not this time.

Sadly, however, Bayi Ajaib isn't really frightening enough. While there is a certain degree of creepiness in the film and a good sense of atmosphere, the scares aren't often enough. In addition to this, the plot does take some time getting on its feet, and some viewers may get bored by it.

The finale brings some of that energy back, although even then I found myself wishing the movie had gone all in. After all that buildup, you would think that the payoff would blow down the doors and throw some furniture at you. Instead, it was quite timid.

However, there’s a lot of good stuff here as well. The Indonesian folklore adds some much-needed character to Bayi Ajaib, the acting is solid, and the horror scenes are effective thanks to the grotesque visuals they employ at times. It simply fails to scare enough to make it worth a re-watch.

But if your baby starts talking in a voice that definitely isn't a baby's, maybe don't stick around to see what happens next. That's usually a pretty reliable horror-movie warning sign.

Miracle Baby (2023)

https://jackmeat.com/bayi-ajaib-2023/

Evil Dead Burn (2026) | I love Evil Dead, so watching Burn unleash this much gore while everyone makes stupid decisions made for a bloody good night #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating -  7.1/10. Evil Dead has been my favorite horror franchise ever since my uncle brought home the original 1981 classic on VHS. I loved every gory second of it and watched that tape so many times I wore the damn thing out. So yeah, I had some expectations going into Evil Dead Burn.

Thankfully, director Sébastien Vanicek understands the assignment.

The movie opens with someone researching the Necronomicon while listening to creepy reel-to-reel recordings. The voice warns him about what will happen. He pulls out the package containing the thing he's been warned about, and...of course opens it. Welcome to horror movies. Apparently "leave the evil book alone" remains a difficult concept after 45 years.

It doesn't take long to go from warning to carnage. A couple of people fishing are among the first to meet their brutal demise, eventually ending with one of the undead getting introduced to a speeding car. Then we cut from the lake to a club, where our next collection of future corpses gets introduced. A lovers' spat ends with a drunk driver speeding away, and while it initially looks like another example of spectacularly poor decision-making, the sequence eventually connects back to the opening.

That's a solid 15 minutes of fun before we even get the title screen.

After losing her husband, Alice (Souheila Yacoub) seeks solace with her in-laws at their secluded family home. Naturally, this turns into a family reunion from hell when the Deadites start taking over one by one. You think your family dinners are intense? Try one where Grandma might eat your face.

The performances work well, particularly Yacoub as Alice, along with the first possessed girl, the grandmother, and the cowardly brother. The humor is also nicely placed, giving us brief moments to breathe without ever destroying the tension.

Vanicek is clearly a student of the Raimi school. He uses focused shots on ordinary objects while isolating the sounds they make, turning everyday household items into ominous little promises of future violence. Having enjoyed his previous movie Infested, I was looking forward to seeing what he would do with Evil Dead, and he brings some excellent visual instincts to it.

The movie also does a nice job teasing what weapon will get used next. You see an object sitting there and immediately think, "Oh, that's going to hurt somebody." The fun is waiting to see exactly how badly and if that is the weapon they chose.

And this movie has a mean streak.

As a sensory assault, which is exactly what Vanicek wanted to create, Burn succeeds. The cinematography is excellent, the sound design gives everything a physical quality, and the gore factor is high. The CGI effects have also been used sparingly throughout most of the film.

Then we get the ending.

Without spoiling it, let's just say somebody apparently watched Terminator 2 and thought, "You know what this Evil Dead movie needs?" It isn't enough to ruin the movie, but the creative decision definitely pulled me out of the violent fun.

Is it another masterpiece? No. But when you're competing with the original, you're basically walking into a chainsaw fight carrying a butter knife. I'll happily take Evil Dead Burn for what it is. A bloody, intense and relentlessly nasty 110-minute horror flick. It understands the mythology, delivers the gore, keeps the humor where it belongs, and gives the franchise another worthwhile entry.

Evil Dead Burn (2026)

And then there's that little Evil Dead Wrath tease, followed by a gruesome after-credits scene featuring Ellie (Alyssa Sutherland) from Evil Dead Rise. Because apparently the Deadites weren't finished ruining everyone's evening. Neither was I. I always stay until the very end.

After all these years, apparently I'm just another idiot who hears, "Whatever you do, don't watch that," and immediately reaches for the remote.

https://jackmeat.com/evil-dead-burn-2026/

Supergirl (2026) | Supergirl takes Kara into space for a Guardians-style adventure, but apparently finding enough Lobo for the movie was too difficult. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.3/10. Melissa Benoist was so good as Supergirl in the TV series that I knew I was going to have a hard time not comparing the new version to her. So I decided to wait until the end before passing judgment on Milly Alcock.

We start with This Summer by Sleigh Bells blasting away, which immediately made me grin. And yes, this is the same band I found years ago and apparently never shut up about. James Gunn clearly had some influence on the musical choices here, even though Craig Gillespie directs, because nobody drops a song into a superhero movie quite like Gunn.

We get a quick look at Kara Zor-El's life before things go sideways. She's carefree, having fun and hanging out with a very cute dog. Then the music shifts into something ominous as a ship races past, and we get our first look at Planet Holzherr, sitting in the solar Red category. A brief confrontation involving Krem (Matthias Schoenaerts) goes badly for the sellers, and we're off.

Kara eventually finds herself drinking in a bar populated by a wonderfully weird collection of alien creatures. In a drunken stupor, she helps Ruthye (Eve Ridley), whose family was murdered during the opening events. Kara initially wants nothing to do with the girl's quest for revenge, but Krem shoots Krypto with a poison dart, steals Kara's ship and gives her 72 hours to save the dog.

Well, there goes the "I don't want to get involved" plan.

The interstellar adventure that follows is a lot of fun at times, and when Kara stops for information, we finally get Jason Momoa as Lobo. This is such an obvious and inspired casting choice that it's quite annoying how little of him we get.

We also get a nicely done look at Krypton's history, although the movie does ask me to accept that alien civilizations across the universe apparently all agreed that looking exactly like humans was the way to go. Even the dogs. Come on, guys. You have an entire universe to work with.

Eve Ridley does a good job with Ruthye, but the character itself becomes increasingly irritating. They really pushed making this kid a pain in the ass, and several of the increasingly bad situations are caused by her decisions. That's not a knock on Ridley's performance, but I kept wondering whether I was watching Supergirl or Ruthye's Extremely Expensive Space Adventure Featuring Supergirl.

David Corenswet's Superman eventually shows up, more or less as a tour guide. We get another sequence where one person spins around while everything explodes around them, which immediately reminded me of The Flash. I also found myself wondering why Superman didn't simply pick her up and fly away. Because apparently that isn't cinematic enough. I did like how the sequence resolves, and the Superman/Supergirl conversation afterward is one of the better moments in the movie.

My bigger problem is the screenplay.

There's nothing terribly wrong with Supergirl. It's entertaining, visually polished, and has some good performances. Alcock works well as Kara, particularly with this younger, more carefree version of the character. But considering the talent involved and the money on screen, it should have had far more punch. The script feels surprisingly weak, and the story never quite develops the oomph it seems to be reaching for.

I'm also not completely sold on the Guardians of the Galaxy meets DC Supergirl approach. I understand the intention. It gives Kara a bigger universe to explore instead of keeping her stuck in Superman's shadow on Earth. But something about the combination never quite clicked for me.

And I kept coming back to the same question: Is Supergirl actually the main character here?

The camera certainly seemed convinced it was Ruthye.

Supergirl (2026)

Still, Supergirl isn't a bad movie. Alcock is good, the action works, the interstellar setting is fun, and there are enough entertaining moments. I just wanted that extra something. That little superhero movie that makes you walk out thinking, "Hell yeah."

Instead, I was left thinking, "That was pretty good." Oh, and not enough Lobo!

Which might actually be the biggest crime in the whole movie. Damn, I need to stop typing LOL.

https://jackmeat.com/supergirl-2026/

Piercing Screams (2025) | This feels less like a horror movie and more like an infomercial for people really passionate about body suspension. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 3.2/10. I'm always willing to roll the dice on an obscure horror movie. Sometimes you uncover a forgotten gem. Other times you discover why nobody was talking about Piercing Screams in the first place.

This flick wastes no time introducing its killer. A couple stops for a late-night roadside break, someone gets stabbed, a giant spike gets hammered into a woman's head, and then the title card arrives with a surprisingly groovy soundtrack that immediately promised me a better movie than the one I was watching. It has that cheap '80s slasher vibe, right down to the freeze-frame character introductions that basically scream, "Here's the order everyone dies in."

The story follows a group of young adults celebrating their rehabilitation program by taking a bus trip into the middle of nowhere. Because apparently the reward for turning your life around is immediately making stupid decisions. Locals warn them that people have recently been disappearing and getting murdered, but horror protagonists treat warnings the same way toddlers treat "Wet Paint" signs.

Naturally, they stay.

Soon enough they cross paths with a bizarre gothic cult whose favorite pastime appears to be body suspension. Not sacrificing people. Not stalking victims. Just...hanging around on hooks. It honestly feels like the filmmakers discovered suspension art halfway through production and decided the entire movie should become a demonstration video.

The acting doesn't do anyone any favors either. Every conversation feels like the cast met each other five minutes before the cameras started rolling, and when characters inevitably decide to split up after someone disappears, their collective survival instincts somehow manage to score lower than my final rating.

I've seen low-budget horror make ridiculous ideas work before. Strangeland managed to weave body suspension into a story that actually had some purpose behind it. Here it's just...there. Scene after scene feels less interested in building tension than reminding you, "Hey, remember the hooks?"

As is expected from such a limited budget, the special effects are pretty much what you would expect. However, while not entirely without merit, they certainly aren't entertaining enough to make up for the lackluster acting and poor plot. I only recognized Elley Ringo playing the cult leader from her stint in Devil's Knight, but she didn't have much to do in this one.

I admire independent horror filmmakers taking swings with limited resources. Unfortunately, Piercing Screams swings wildly, misses the target, drops the bat, and somehow impales itself on one of its own giant hooks.

Piercing Screams (2025)

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Scary Movie (2026) | It's not a disaster, but after all the hype around the Wayans returning, I expected a lot more than polite chuckles. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.2/10. I have been watching these parody movies since the day I first watched Airplane on Showtime. When they are at their best, they hurl so many jokes at us that you don't get time to react from one joke before another hits you. I'm checking out the extended cut of Scary Movie (2026), although I honestly couldn't tell you what was added. If I track down the differences later, I'll update this review.

Twenty-six years after surviving a suspiciously familiar masked killer, Cindy, Brenda (Regina Hall), Ray (Shawn Wayans), and Shorty (Marlon Wayans) are back, and this time every horror franchise is fair game. Reboots, remakes, requels, legacy sequels, elevated horror, spin-offs...if Hollywood has squeezed a dollar out of it, this movie wants to make fun of it. The Wayans return determined to prove they still know how to push buttons, and for a while, they absolutely do.

The movie wastes no time jumping right in. Teyana Taylor kicks things off in a bar with Carmen Electra behind the counter. I won't even attempt to list every cameo because I'd still be typing next week, but it was nice seeing Electra pop up again. She's always entertaining, especially on Nation's Dumbest. If you're not watching, you're missing out.

Anna Faris slips right back into Cindy like she never left. She's now the mother of Sara (Olivia Rose Keegan), while Savannah Lee Nassif plays Tuesday, Sara's sister. Yes...Tuesday. You can probably guess where at least half the jokes write themselves.

Just like all the other Scary Movies, this one fires jokes and gags non-stop. One of the reasons why this movie is so much fun is that you have to constantly look out for something funny going on in the background while something else is happening right in front of you. I found my notes become completely worthless pretty fast.

Unfortunately, that strong opening doesn't last.

The laughs become increasingly hit-or-miss as the movie tries harder by forcing jokes instead of letting them land naturally. Every few minutes it feels like someone yelled, "We need another LOL here!" Whether it actually worked became almost secondary.

Then came the animated K-pop musical number. I'll admit I actually laughed. Not because it was hilarious, but because I found myself thinking, "Surely they're not going there." Naturally, they went there.

Not every joke misses, though. The "Ask Demi Moore" line got a genuine laugh out of me, and seeing Chris Elliott return as Shorthand delivered a surprisingly nostalgic hit for longtime fans. I also got a kick out of how they managed to work Weapons into one scene. Horror fans will have plenty to look for, with nods to everything from Sinners to recent genre hits scattered throughout the movie.

Following years of complaints about their franchise being stripped from them, I thought the Wayans' return would have been a big comeback. But it is not. It seems to be more of a happy get-together that just cannot seem to regain its magic.

There's certainly no shortage of references, cameos, or enthusiasm. The problem is that references aren't automatically jokes. The original films balanced outrageous stupidity with genuinely clever parody. Here, too many scenes mistake "remember this?" for an actual punchline.

I still had enough laughs to not get pissed about my 105-minute investment. And longtime fans will probably enjoy seeing the old gang back together one more time. I just wish the script had been as sharp as the nostalgia.

Scary Movie (2026)

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Night of Blood (2026) | Six people enter a deadly endurance challenge. The real test is making it through this movie without checking the time. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 3.1/10. I wasn’t entirely sure why Night of Blood ended up on my horror watch list. Then I saw Corey Taylor was in the cast, and suddenly the mystery was solved. Apparently, my brain saw “Corey Taylor” and “horror” in the same sentence and decided this was worth investigating. Unfortunately, the investigation uncovered more of a crime scene than a good movie.

The film starts off in a diner, where a waitress appears to be locked in a never-ending battle with a simple food order. It is an impressive level of incompetence, almost like the movie is warning us of what to expect. From there, we meet a group of people receiving mysterious invitations to participate in a cash-prize endurance challenge at the infamous Val Verde Hotel. A location known for a deadly explosion and the usual “probably haunted but definitely should not be visited” reputation.

The setup sounds promising. A group of strangers trapped overnight in a haunted hotel while competing for a briefcase full of cash? Sure, there is potential there. Unfortunately, these contestants barely make it through introductions before immediately hating each other. Forget supernatural threats. The real horror is having to spend a night locked in a building with people you met five minutes ago and already want to leave behind.

Instead of a traditional masked killer stalking the group, Night of Blood goes for supernatural hauntings and immersive scares. The film shows most of the interesting moments off camera, leaving us to watch the aftermath. The movie repeatedly hints at better scenes than what we get to see.

The kills are nothing special. The “killer” element is about as memorable as a background extra, and the film spends an unusual amount of time treating ammonia and bleach like they are the ultimate horror movie weapons. Apparently, cleaning supplies are the real villains here. Somewhere, a hazardous materials safety inspector is having a panic attack.

There is one particular scene involving two of the female contestants that feels like the movie briefly remembers it needs to entertain the audience. Whether that was meant to add tension, attract more viewers, or simply check off a “we need something people will talk about” box is anyone’s guess.

And back to Corey Taylor. He plays Dusty, the bartender at the hotel, and the movie even makes sure we hear Slipknot playing on the radio. But outside of that, his presence feels completely unnecessary. I have no idea what music Corey Taylor contributed to this film, why he was chosen for the role, or what in the world he was thinking in accepting it?

By the end, Night of Blood leaves the door wide open for a sequel. Unfortunately, that door is probably opening into an empty room because I’m not sure anyone is rushing to spend another night at the Val Verde Hotel.

Night of Blood (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/night-of-blood-2026/

Red Rabbit Lodge (2026) | It's not a terrible watch if you're just looking for some old-school slasher comfort food and don't mind turning your brain off. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.3/10. If you ever wanted an '80s slasher that remembers all the boobs and blood but forgets to bring along a coherent story, Red Rabbit Lodge has you covered.

The movie opens with a peaceful shot of an old house before introducing a blonde woman chatting away on a corded phone. Her boyfriend is apparently on his way over, complete with a request to throw a VHS porno into the player. Between the phone, the tape, and the soundtrack, the movie practically screams, "Remember the '80s? We sure do!"

Unfortunately for her, unless her boyfriend suddenly developed a taste for masks and murder, someone else arrives first. Even after her mother warns her that there's a masked killer on the loose, she does exactly what every slasher victim is contractually obligated to do. Ignore the warning completely. It makes for a fun opening kill. And maybe the best part of the movie.

During the opening credits, we get the masked killer carefully sewing together a bloody stuffed rabbit, which is equal parts creepy and bizarre. Combined with the synth-heavy score and grainy grindhouse presentation, the film absolutely nails its retro aesthetic. If you didn't know writer/director Kevin Khachan released it in 2026, you'd probably assume someone dug up a forgotten VHS from 1986.

Then comes the obligatory "20 years later" jump.

A group of girls and a couple of guys arrive at Red Rabbit Lodge, which is supposedly a sanctuary for foreign students. Maybe it's a hostel. Or a school. Or all three. The movie never seems particularly interested in explaining why anyone is actually there, and after a while I stopped caring because the script certainly doesn't.

The movie makes extensive use of the slasher trope clichés, ticking each one off its checklist. There’s the obligatory slow-mo shower sequence, an abundance of gorgeous victims making bad choices, and all the gore effects that you would expect from a retro-style slasher movie. And credit where credit is due, it’s surprisingly well done.

Then, just when you're appreciating the practical effects, the movie suddenly throws in some cheap CGI blood splatter that sticks out like a sore thumb. It feels completely unnecessary and actually makes some of the kills less effective.

The largest issue is that nothing fits in satisfactorily. The characters are there just for the body count. The plot doesn’t even really hold together, and the mystery that is supposed to be unfolding never ends up being anything worthwhile. Too caught up in trying to recreate the atmosphere of a slasher, it fails to remember that there still needs to be a story.

By the time the finale rolls around, it ends with a shrug. No bang. The ending feels rushed, anti-climactic, and doesn't deliver the payoff Red Rabbit Lodge seemed to be setting up.

And if you somehow thought there wasn't enough gratuitous nudity already, the end credits decide to feature artistic shots of several of the actresses for...(I am shrugging). It's certainly a choice.

Red Rabbit Lodge (2026)

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Masters of the Universe (2026) | Masters of the Universe delivers the action, but at 146 minutes even Skeletor wanted someone to wrap it up. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.5/10. Does it really feel like nearly forty years ago when Dolph Lundgren roared his "I have the power! "? Masters of the Universe is back on the big screen at last. It's good to see that this movie realizes that it is based upon action figures who kick the crap out of each other. Not some reimagining nonsense.

We start with Prince Adam (Nicholas Galitzine) narrating what feels like the entire history of Eternia. Don't get me wrong, it looks fantastic. Castle Grayskull. The sweeping landscapes. The flashy special effects. It's all very pretty. But by the time Adam finished explaining his family tree, I was ready for Skeletor to interrupt just so something would actually happen.

Eventually we get to young Adam, his journey begins, and thankfully the movie wakes up.

One thing I immediately noticed was the runtime. 146 minutes. That is quite an ask for He-Man swinging his magic sword around and whacking bad guys. The pace matters a lot, and even though the action does not disappoint at all, some of the talking scenes border on breaking the world record for "Most talking before anything happens."

Thankfully, the fight scenes are excellent. Great choreography, slick camerawork, and some impressive visual effects make every battle feel big-budget fantasy epic worthy.

Jared Leto's Skeletor is easily one of the biggest wins. Instead of trying to modernise him into some generic dark wizard, they actually made him look like…Skeletor. You know, the blue guy with the skull for a face we've all known since we were kids. Funny how respecting the source material actually works.

Then comes one of the film's better moments. Prince Adam bumps into Dolph Lundgren. I was smiling about that tiny cameo. That is the type of fan service that just feels right. I wish that they would have used it more. Director Travis Knight knows that nostalgia works best when you don't beat people over the head with it.

Idris Elba is fantastic as Duncan. Casting him was the right choice, and watching him stumble around playing the slightly drunken mentor was way more entertaining than I expected. Every scene he's in gets an instant boost.

And there's Fisto. Yes, they actually have Fisto. Now look, I'm a grown adult. Every time someone mentioned "Fisto!" while he "fists" every bad guy in sight never stopped being funny. Whoever decided to keep a straight face through those scenes deserves an Oscar.

Not everything works.

Some of the quieter scenes drag on forever, especially whenever He-Man starts giving speeches. One motivational speech before an escape honestly felt longer than the escape itself. I was expecting Skeletor to wander in halfway through and tell him to hurry the hell up because evil has a schedule to keep.

Battle Cat eventually makes an appearance, and thankfully they didn't forget one of the franchise's coolest characters. Another nice little reward for fans.

Then we jump ahead six months. Apparently rebuilding an entire kingdom destroyed by war only takes half a year in Eternia. Meanwhile I'm still waiting for the council to fix the potholes down my street.

Makes perfect sense.

Although it has some issues, Masters of the Universe turns out to be an actually entertaining movie. The action in it is consistently entertaining, the jokes are on target much more often than not, and Travis Knight has found a good way to balance his respect for cartoons with a cinematic approach.

Masters of the Universe (2026)

And yes, because Hollywood physically cannot help itself, there's a mid-credits sequel tease.

Would I watch the next one? Yep. Just maybe shave thirty minutes off it first.

https://jackmeat.com/masters-of-the-universe-2026/

The Amityville Horror (1979) | A classic that's worth revisiting for its atmosphere, performances and place in horror history, just don't expect outright terror. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.5/10. After suffering through the last six absolutely abysmal Amityville movies, I figured I'd earned the right to finally go back and watch the original, The Amityville Horror. Somehow I'd never reviewed it either, so two birds, one haunted house.

It's also kind of fascinating to see if a movie that's nearly 50 years old can still get under your skin.

George Lutz (James Brolin) and Kathy Lutz (Margot Kidder) buy their dream home on Long Island despite one unfortunate selling point. The previous owners were all murdered there. Minor detail. They move in with Kathy's children, and before the boxes are even unpacked, Father Delaney (Rod Steiger) drops by to bless the house...only to get attacked by an army of flies and told to "Get Out." Buddy, he was literally trying to help.

From there, the film slowly counts down the nights as the supernatural activity ramps up. George gets grumpier by the day. Kathy starts digging into the house's history. Young Amy chats away with an invisible friend that's probably not imaginary. And everyone becomes increasingly isolated while the house does its best impression of the world's worst Airbnb.

Right from the opening credits, the eerie score does a great job of setting the mood. The camera lingers on the infamous house while lightning flashes to show the windows, and in the background, gunshots can be heard. You immediately know this place comes with more baggage than Spirit airlines.

One thing that still works is making the little things feel believable. Doors opening, strange noises, cold spots, swarms of flies. It's all fairly restrained, which actually works in its favour. Instead of throwing buckets of blood at the screen every ten minutes, it slowly chips away at the family's sanity

The performances are a bit of a mixed bag. Brolin and Kidder are both excellent and carry the film during the slow parts. Steiger, on the other hand, adopted an altogether different style and wastes his entire screen time overacting. The remaining actors are melodramatic to an extent, but that suits the period well.

I did enjoy each chapter being marked by another night passing until we make it to "The Last Night." It's about as subtle as plopping "Warning: Shit is about to get Real" on the screen. But it works. You know the house has finally stopped messing around.

The biggest surprise today is probably just how tame it all feels. Modern horror fans expecting walls dripping blood every five minutes or demons performing gymnastics on the ceiling will probably wonder what all the fuss was about. The finale is effective enough, since you do finally get the walls dripping blood. But still a bit tame.

I think The Amityville Horror works better as a character study than an outright horror film. Watching George get crazier by the moment was better than waiting for the next fright. What it lacks in gore and jump scares is made up for with strong performances, an unsettling atmosphere, and one of horror's more memorable musical scores.

If you haven't seen it since it first scared the life out of you in 1979, don't expect sleepless nights. Time has definitely dulled its bite. But it's still an important horror classic that helped set the standard for haunted house movies...and unfortunately also gave birth to cinema's most abused franchise names involving everything from dinosaurs to toilets.

The Amityville Horror (1979)

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