My quick rating - 5.2/10. If you’ve ever worked retail and thought, “I hope the next global catastrophe starts in this food court,” then ApoKalypse might just hit a little too close to home—assuming you haven’t already been bitten by a rabid zombie Karen screeching for soy-free oat milk.
The film kicks off with a premise so ludicrous it might’ve been born in a conspiracy subreddit. A rat poison called "Ratartarre" is sold as a COVID cure, and naturally, the people dumb enough to consume it (read: entitled mall shoppers) turn into zombie-like creatures with the emotional range of a DMV line and the fashion sense of a suburban wine mom. These “brain-deads,” all sporting various shades of the infamous Karen haircut, don’t just want brains—they want to see your manager NOW.
Apo, played with skateboard-deck-flat energy by Chris Koehne, is a directionless slacker whose dreams of going pro are put on hold when he's forced to fight through a zombie horde armed only with mild sarcasm and a total lack of charisma. Alongside him are Jamal (Ravin Wong), the best friend who deserves better, and Cho (Ao Mikazuri), the Korean chicken slinger/love interest who somehow doesn’t ditch Apo for a less bland option.
The real star, though? The sheer audacity of the humor. You’ve got zombie Karens lassoing people with their umbilical cord-attached zombie babies. A running gag about non-white people being immune. Cringe-racist white ladies who mispronounce "Negros" like it's a banned Harry Potter spell. The satire is so on-the-nose it’s basically punching your nose with a COVID-swab labeled "social commentary."
And who shows up during the credits? Officer Boll, yes, that Uwe Boll, playing an unaffected officer and delivering the line, “Finger lickin' good,” which in a zombie flick, I am sure you know the obvious yet mildly amusing joke they are going for.
Visually, the movie is what happens when Newgrounds meets Adult Swim: crude Flash-style animation for the bulk of its 68 minutes, interrupted by a hilariously jarring switch to expensive 3D for one sequence—complete with a fourth-wall-breaking joke about how much it cost. Honestly, that gag alone earned a full extra point on the scorecard.
The film doesn’t shy away from poking fun at every corner of American society, especially MAGA-land, and while not every joke lands, enough of them stick to make the chaos worthwhile. It often feels more like an irreverent pilot for a cult animated series than a full-fledged movie, but for what it is—an animated, low-budget, balls-out lampooning of modern culture—it mostly works.
All in all, ApoKalypse is messy, offensive, and juvenile. But also, kinda clever. Just like retail work—if your coworkers were stoners, your customers were undead, and your shift ended in a blood-soaked food court. This wouldn't normally be my type of flick, but I do thank Lutz Geiger for not only making this trip to the local Chopping Mall but also sending it over for a watch. I'll be looking forward to what comes next!
Amazon is the only place to stream this indie flick, so show them some love and check it out.
https://jackmeat.com/apokalypse-2025/
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