Wednesday, January 28, 2026

The Beldham (2025) | Postpartum horror meets haunted farmhouse, occasionally interrupted by scenes that feel like they wandered in from another movie. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.9/10. The Beldham sets out to be another slow-burn psychological horror about motherhood and the fear of losing yourself after childbirth. Harper (Katie Parker), teetering on the edge of postpartum psychosis, moves into her mother, Sadie’s, rural farmhouse with her newborn. Sadie (Patricia Heaton) is already living there with her new boyfriend Frank (Corbin Bernsen), and before long Harper begins to suspect that a malevolent presence - a “Beldham,” defined early on as a medieval witch who steals babies’ souls - has its sights set on her child. Unfortunately, while the ingredients are promising, the execution is a frustrating mess.

The tension is established right from the beginning of the film, but it is never clear what director Angela Gulner wanted to do with it. Scenes seem disconnected, motivations are unclear, and character reactions are often baffling. There is a sense of disconnection throughout, as if the film were assembled from several drafts. While some of this is presumably intended to make sense in light of the big twist, and yes, there is a twist, there is a great deal of it that simply does not make sense, whether or not it is supposed to.

One scene in particular had me questioning reality, and not in the way the movie intends. Harper suddenly attempts to breastfeed her baby during an open house, in front of a room full of strangers. There is no buildup, no payoff, and no relation to anything else in the movie. It just… happens. Moments like this pop up repeatedly, undercutting any chance I was getting into this flick. Add in things like wandering around with a candle when there’s clearly a flashlight or light switch nearby, and the tension starts slipping into unintentional comedy.



That’s a shame, because some elements genuinely work. The ominous birds, the creeping folklore surrounding the witch, and Sadie’s increasingly shady behavior all generate solid unease. The witch itself is effectively creepy, and the farmhouse setting should have been a perfect pressure cooker. The problem is that the horror is so deep down under all the heavy drama that the film never allows itself to actually be scary. It moves towards the reveal at a glacial pace and then speeds through it when it gets there.

The acting is the film’s saving grace. Parker is convincing as a woman unraveling under impossible stress, and Heaton brings an unsettling edge that keeps you guessing. Without these performances, the film would collapse entirely. Still, everything ultimately exists in service of the twist, which lands rushed, flat, and oddly disconnected from the story that precedes it.

I can see the intended audience, especially mothers, connecting with the pervasive dread and fear of losing control. For me, though, the central “is she crazy or is the witch real?” question simply isn’t supported by enough compelling or coherent moments. And that ending? I didn’t buy it, emotionally or logically. I can’t say more without spoiling it, but I just don’t believe it works that way. In the end, The Beldham has atmosphere and ideas, but it never pulls them together into something satisfying.

The Beldham (2025) #jackmeatsflix
The Beldham (2025)
https://jackmeat.com/the-beldham-2025/

Tuesday, January 27, 2026

The Internship (2026) | This felt like Spy Kids with an identity crisis and way too much CGI blood for its own good. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.2/10. I think The Internship wanted to be a bleak, rage-fueled action thriller about stolen childhoods and institutional cruelty. However, it feels like it's unsure whether it wants to be Nikita, The Amateur or a very angry episode of Spy Kids that accidentally wandered into R-rated territory.

The film opens with a theft that quickly devolves into a bloody gunfight, immediately introducing one of its most persistent problems - the CGI blood. Within the first twelve minutes, the splatter is already so artificial and overused that it becomes distracting rather than visceral. This is surprising, especially since the film feels like it had a slightly higher budget than what’s ultimately reflected onscreen. Shot in Sofia, Bulgaria, the locations themselves look solid enough, but the digital excess undermines any sense of danger the action is trying to convey.

We’re introduced to Catalyst (Lizzy Greene), the ringleader determined to dismantle the CIA’s secret assassin-training program known as “The Internship.” Her goal is simple. Expose the program, locate the other recruits, and burn the whole thing down. The team she assembles - Analyst, Apothecary, Caliber, Rubicon, and the notably spotlighted Dagger - gets rolled out via a montage that feels more stylized than intimidating. Despite the film’s darker intentions, the group’s presentation often leans closer to youthful operatives than hardened killers, which clashes with the supposed brutality of their upbringing.



On the opposing side of the spectrum, the CIA inserts Candace (Megan Boone), who is the biological mother of Catalyst and was unaware of her daughter’s existence as she gave her up for adoption. It’s a rich concept that the film doesn’t delve into enough. Candace works alongside Nelson, played by Sullivan Stapleton, and though both actors are solid, the storyline feels like a necessity rather than a genuine anchor. Flashbacks are used to depict the suffering these children went through, but they are fleeting.

The script starts wobbling when it hits the inevitable “someone is the mole” subplot. Catalyst conveniently scripts out reasons why literally everyone could be the traitor, which drains the mystery rather than building tension. Rubicon’s hacking scenes are particularly rough, with typing that looks laughably fake even by genre standards. Logic also takes repeated hits, with characters magically finding each other in one scene and being completely untraceable in the next, sometimes back-to-back.

While the action itself is mildly entertaining, it's nothing to write home about. There are some nicely framed scenes that showcase what this could have looked like. Of course, this is assuming that the action was more tightly choreographed and less plagued by digital blood. The final showdown comes and goes suddenly, and I found myself asking aloud to no one, "Wait, is that it?" The twist, however, feels like it was retrofitted, like the writers decided who the mole was and then came up with an explanation for it afterward. I assume after someone complained about it not making sense.

The Internship (2026) #jackmeatsflix
The Internship (2026)

And then, instead of giving us a definitive ending, The Internship awkwardly leaves the door open for a sequel. Unfortunately, given how shaky the foundation is, that’s exactly what the open door feels like. Wishful thinking.

https://jackmeat.com/the-internship-2026/

Monday, January 26, 2026

Fisted! (2025) | IF you want to be a throwback to terrible 90's SOV slasher movies, you don't have to nail the TERRIBLE part so well. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 2.1/10. Fisted! has one of those IMDB summaries that sounds like it was generated by a drunk grindhouse AI at 3 a.m. - and honestly, if the movie had even one-quarter of the energy promised by that paragraph, I might’ve been on board. A camping trip, a deranged slasher called The Jerklin’ Boy, hate and dynamite flowing through his veins, and a “fist of destruction”? Sure. Sign me up. Unfortunately, what I saw is less blood-soaked nightmare and more painfully indulgent home movie that desperately wants to shock you into laughing.

It kicks off with a simulated home-video warning from a guy trying way too hard to be edgy, solemnly informing us how “extreme” this is going to be. At that point, you already know exactly where this train is headed, and it wastes no time getting there. Almost immediately, I was treated to a scene involving a man, a needle, and a comically oversized dildo pulled out of his shorts like it’s a party trick. That’s the joke. That’s the scene. He’s then killed by…something…with some, eh, practical effects that briefly hint at effort before giving up.

Smash cut to obnoxiously loud music for the title card. Then straight into a guy wearing a Creature from the Black Lagoon mask watching Lloyd Kaufman play a news anchor on TV, because that is what he does. Pop up in some of the silliest flix. The campers are all visibly older than their supposed counselor, except for one character who is literally a puppet. Not metaphorically. An actual puppet. At this point, the movie isn’t even pretending to care.



Midway through, the film grinds to a halt so the cast can push their own merch. And that really seals the “friends messing around with a camera” vibe for me. Shortly after, the counselor delivers what may be the most jaw-dropping scene. A rambling speech that essentially outlines which kid is going to get raped, followed by an extended demonstration of giving a blowjob…on a potato. One kid laughs obnoxiously for a solid minute, as if we’re supposed to be laughing with him. Instead, I was wondering why the scene wasn’t mercy-killed in editing.

The technical issues don’t help. The sound is atrocious - any scene shot outdoors might as well be subtitled “WIND.” Instead of reshooting, they just let the microphone get assaulted by the elements. The simulated VHS aesthetic is cranked so hard that fake tracking errors and tape crimps start piling up like visual spam. It’s less retro homage and more editing software gone rogue.

To be fair, there is creativity in some of the cheap gore effects, and you can tell the people involved were having fun. But that’s also the problem. This feels like a private joke stretched to 70 minutes, packed with inside references, dubbed-over names no outsider could possibly understand, and scenes that exist solely because no one said “maybe cut this.”

Fisted! (2025) #jackmeatsflix
Fisted! (2025)

I’m sure Tom Martino and his buddies think Fisted! is hilarious. And to them, it probably is. But for anyone not sitting inside that circle, this is just a noisy, sloppy, aggressively unfunny mess. Even with the occasional goofy gore gag, I can’t recommend this with a straight face. Sometimes a movie deserves to be fisted…just not in the way it was intended.

https://jackmeat.com/fisted-2025/

Sunday, January 25, 2026

Dracula (2025) | Equal parts tragic romance and stylish horror, Besson’s Dracula is a feast for the eyes, anchored by solid performances. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.7/10. This one had me at writer/director Luc Besson. Listing all the reasons why would take a while, but if his name doesn’t at least spark curiosity, that’s on you. Dracula is very much a Besson film. Lush, romantic, visually indulgent, and occasionally a little too in love with itself. Honestly, I have no problem with that.

The story starts off in 15th-century Romania, and introduces a confident and frightening Prince Vladimir (Caleb Landry Jones). His overwhelming passion for his wife, Princess Elisabeta, who is portrayed by Zoë Bleu, sparks off everything that follows. The threat of the Ottoman Empire, as well as their soldiers invading and moving across the country, is unstoppable. Vladimir earns a fearsome reputation, but it’s his personal loss, and not war, that makes him cross over into evil territory. His denial of faith appears to be as vicious as his denials of heaven. Immortality is not a gift here. It’s a curse, one that condemns Vlad to wander the centuries as Dracula, unable to die, unable to forget.

Four hundred lonely years later, Besson shifts the film into dazzling Belle Époque Paris and absolutely nails the period. The costumes, sets, and atmosphere are gothic eye candy from start to finish. This is a flick that is aware of its own visual glory, sometimes to the point of being pretentious, but it’s hard to complain when every frame looks so good. The castle interiors, the roaming gargoyle servants (such a fun touch), and Dracula’s makeup all add to the film’s striking aesthetic identity.



At its heart, Dracula is far more romance than horror, although it easily achieves both genres. Vlad’s eternal search for Elisabeta plays out across eras, including one of my favorite scenes, where there’s a demonstration of perfume as mind control. A playful, stylish bit that feels very Besson. Dracula, as he relates his ill-fated history to Jonathan (Ewens Abid), adds another layer to our understanding of the vampire, beyond mere gore and fangs.

Christoph Waltz is excellent in his depiction as the priest, who is intent on ridding the world of the curse of Dracula. He brings with him assurance, in addition to a bit of menace. The battle scene is quite good in the final showdown, with the gargoyles joyfully leaping into the fray. Passion, anger, vengeance, and hatred are fighting it out in an appropriately operatic fashion (can you hear a blue alien singing?).

Jones shines in his role as Vlad/Dracula, giving a performance that is as heartfelt as it is terrifying. Dracula is a visually stunning, rich Gothic romance that, while it’s never subtle, is impossible to look away. I'd have to recommend this to any fans of smart horror movies, grand sagas of love, and bold productions that take risks.

Dracula (2025)
Dracula (2025)

Released internationally on July 30th, 2025, this will be hitting theaters in the USA on February 6th, 2026. I'll update those streaming links (they are currently for Australia) for you as long as I remember to. Another movie that would've hit my Top Ten for 2025, at least an honorable mention, had I watched it last year, but now it is my first noted for Top Ten of 2026.

https://jackmeat.com/dracula-2025/

Saturday, January 24, 2026

Street Knight (1993) | Jeff Speakman kicks plenty of ass, but Street Knight never hits like The Perfect Weapon. Still fun, still fast, still very ’90s. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.5/10. Back in 1991, I caught The Perfect Weapon and genuinely thought I’d just seen the birth of the next big martial arts star. Jeff Speakman had it: the look, the presence, and most importantly, the skills. As a Kenpo master, his lightning-fast hands were something special, and that first film has stayed with me ever since, rewatched many times to the point I could probably recite half the dialogue in my sleep. Street Knight, on the other hand, sat quietly on my watchlist for years, largely forgotten. So the good news is that I finally ticked it off. And no, I definitely couldn’t recite this one from memory. LOL.

The setup is very early-’90s straight-to-video action. Former cop Jake Barrett (Speakman) returns to the streets of Los Angeles to disrupt a plot designed to escalate gang violence. The film opens with a hostage situation that introduces our villains, a group of mercenaries who conveniently met in prison and now want to light the fuse on a full-blown gang war so they can take control of the streets. It’s pulpy, broad, and not exactly subtle. We also get a quick “butt in the moonbeams” shot early on, presumably included to keep the ladies renting this on VHS happy.

Christopher Neame plays lead baddie James, and he’s obviously having a riot, inciting chaos at gang gatherings, poking and prodding until violence feels inevitable. Jennifer Gatti, of the criminally underappreciated Nemesis, appears as Rebecca Sanchez, the sister of a missing youth who happened upon a crime in progress and is now running from pretty much everybody. One scene involving a very creative use of a human body shield stands out enough for me to mention it. No spoilers, but think guns, not punches.



Let’s be honest, though. Nobody rents or watches a movie called Street Knight starring a martial artist because they’re hoping for a nuanced, heartfelt social commentary on gang violence. They’re here to watch Jeff Speakman kick serious ass. On that front, the movie delivers just enough. The fight scenes are well choreographed, Speakman’s Kenpo is on full display, and his speed and precision still impress. It’s very much a “switch your brain off” experience, but a satisfying one if that’s what you’re in the mood for.

I also have to give props for one unusual creative choice - a car chase that turns into Speakman riding a horse while being pursued by bad guys in an SUV. Is it a great chase? Not really. Is it memorable because it’s weird and different? Absolutely. Also, how about the showdown between the larger dude and Speakman, where he reminds the thug before the brawl, "You're not that big, think about it."

The message is well-intentioned, but the ending is pure fantasy and would never happen in a million years. Still, Street Knight ends up being better than its budget and better than many other straight-to-video action flicks of the era, even if it lands a solid point below The Perfect Weapon. Recommended for fans of the Van Damme/Seagal era when these movies were being churned out nonstop (and yes, Speakman did briefly appear in Van Damme’s Lionheart).

Street Knight (1993) #jackmeatsflix
Street Knight (1993)
https://jackmeat.com/street-knight-1993/

Friday, January 23, 2026

Psycho Sex Dolls (2025) | Ridiculous, self-aware sexploitation comedy pretending to be horror. Unfortunately, the killer robots forgot the killing part. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 3.8/10. This is one of those movies where the title does most of the heavy lifting. And honestly, that’s probably for the best, I mean, Psycho Sex Dolls, what are you expecting? The premise is gloriously trashy. Porn filmmaker Damien Self (Simon Weir) turns to AI sex dolls to save his flailing adult business, dreaming of mogul-level success, only for things to go sideways in ways that are…well…mildly sideways. If you’re expecting a full-on robo-slasher bloodbath, you may want to adjust expectations early. This is far more timid chuckles and awkward thrusting than Terminator with boobs.

And for a full hour, it’s literally just softcore porn with self-aware attempts at comedy. It’s the kind of film it knows it is, and it’s self-aware to the point where it’s embracing the sexploitation feel of it all. And the best part of the film comes when the dolls are dressed up as the characters out of A Clockwork Orange. They look absurd, and yet pretty amazing at the same time. It’s the kind of thing where you see it, and you’ll go, “Did they really just do that?” Yes. Yes, they did, and it’s easily my highlight of the film.

When the horror finally shows up, it’s more of a polite tap on the shoulder than a punch to the face. The CGI blood is cheesy, brief, and nowhere near as unhinged as the concept promises. Had the movie been fully committed to killer robots going absolutely feral, this could’ve been a cult classic in the making. Instead, it flirts with danger, flashes some red pixels, and backs away before things get too messy.



Performance-wise, Stella Paris handles dual roles surprisingly well, capturing the detached control and quiet contempt of the adult industry, mixed with moments where you can tell the job occasionally pays off. Jamie Leigh Jones and Emma Cole round out the trio and do exactly what’s required of them. If you’re critiquing the acting too harshly here, you may have missed the title, the trailer, or the general vibe of a “trashy midnight movie.”

Simon Weir is mildly amusing as Damien, and honestly looks like he’s having a great time, and what guy wouldn't be? The film leans into ridiculousness hard, especially when the AI dolls are constantly kissing or making out for absolutely no reason. Even Damien questions it at one point, noting that they’re robots and wouldn’t get anything out of it. The movie knows the answer, though. The audience knows the answer. No one’s pretending otherwise. LOL.

Ultimately, however, Psycho Sex Dolls is less horror and more a comedy mixed with softcore nonsense. Is it good? No, not really. Is it occasionally funny and stupid enough to be entertaining? Yeah… kind of. Just don’t expect your robotic nightmares to "blow" you away (wink wink).

Psycho Sex Dolls (2025) #jackmeatsflix
Psycho Sex Dolls (2025)
https://jackmeat.com/psycho-sex-dolls-2025/

Thursday, January 22, 2026

Boy Kills World (2023) | Boy Kills World will appeal to fans of high-energy, blood-drenched action with a touch of surrealism. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 7.0/10. Boy Kills World is a loud, bloody, and frenetic action movie that gets you on the same page as to what kind of experience you are in for immediately. It is a film that is fueled by excess - be it in terms of violence, style, or a ridiculously exaggerated sense of mayhem that borders on cartoonish. Adrenaline, yes, but subtlety is a hell no.

The movie kicks off with a comedy-packed flashback that promptly establishes the tone by combining black humor with graphic violence. This is when we meet Boy (Bill Skarsgård), a deaf-mute who has a rather vibrant imagination that’s brutally disrupted when his family is slaughtered before his very eyes. After that, a revenge-based origin tale follows as it’s presented through the channel of surrealistic visuals and over-the-top martial arts performances. Boy goes AWOL into the jungle when he meets a shaman who takes away his imagination to transform him into a killing machine.

Skarsgard gives a total commitment to the part, including a physical as well as facially detailed performance that drives a lot of the movie. Skarsgard doesn't have to give much spoken dialogue since a lot of the necessary communication comes from bodily expression, which does indicate innocence as well as rage. Jessica Rothe and Brett Gelman do the rest to make the bad guys more unpredictable by carrying out suitably nutty performances that do add a lot to the unstable atmosphere that permeates most of the movie.



Where Boy Kills World really rocks is in its action scenes. The fighting is top-notch all the way around, but the final battle is phenomenal, featuring some of the best hand-to-hand fighting in recent action films. There is a level of brutality and attention to detail in each and every physical battle that is apparent, and the physicality is first-rate. There is a tremendous amount of blood spilt from the opening to the closing frame in this film. It’s not for those faint of heart and never attempts to claim otherwise.

On the visual side, the film is a display of colors and frenzied shots that manage to reflect the troubled psyche of Boy. There is a frenzied style at work here that simply throws us straight into the midst of this strange world. Although the plot takes a second seat to the visual feast and the action scenes, the elements associated with loss and change are enough for the flick not to be shallow.

Boy Kills World won’t be for everyone, but for fans of stylized, ultra-violent action films with memorable fight choreography, it delivers exactly what it promises. And then some.

Boy Kills World (2024) #jackmeatsflix
Boy Kills World (2024)
https://jackmeat.com/boy-kills-world-2023/