Lion Fist (2026) | Lion Fist basically threw every martial arts movie cliché into a blender, added glam rock, and forgot to make the movie good. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 3.7/10. The first thing I thought when I saw Lion Fist was Lionheart, because apparently Jean-Claude Van Damme has permanently claimed every title containing the word “Lion” in my brain. Unfortunately, this movie doesn’t have much else in common with Lionheart besides the martial arts and the fact that somebody eventually gets punched.

Martial arts fighter Joe (Mathis Landwehr) goes to prison for four years after taking the blame for his wife in a drug bust. When he gets out, he discovers his ex has had his son and started a new life with a drug lord. Naturally, Joe responds to this situation by doing what any reasonable man would do. Getting into an increasingly ridiculous number of street fights.

It starts with some everyday city shots before immediately dumping us into prison, where calm, cool Joe stands up to three tough inmates. This leads to a cliché prison fight handled in the most civilized manner possible. Apparently this was supposed to demonstrate how tough Joe is, particularly since it's the day before his release. It didn't really showcase squat. Neither did the completely ridiculous gym scene that follows, or the equally silly street fight.

From there, Lion Fist checks off practically every martial-arts movie cliché imaginable: reluctant Mr. Miyagi ripoff? Check. Training montages? Oh, there are plenty. Convenient love interest? Check. Evil drug lord? Obviously. Tournament? You bet. And it takes roughly an hour before we finally get the inevitable training montage, accompanied by glam rock, because apparently Karate Kid wasn't enough of an influence.

Honestly, they should have just called this Montages.

The setup is lazy, the editing constantly jumps abruptly between scenes, and there’s a surprising amount of foreign dialogue without subtitles. The police angle is painfully far-fetched, although that hardly stands out in a movie where pretty much everything is far-fetched. Keith Cooke and Gary Daniels showing up as cops is a nice touch, considering both have appeared in much better action movies, but their involvement feels like an afterthought. David Yeung, son of the iconic Bolo Yeung, is also here, but again, the movie doesn't do much with him.

Eventually we get to the tournament, which takes place in an octagon after all that piddly street fighting. Nothing says “martial arts movie” quite like giving MMA a bad name.

The fighting does improve as the movie progresses, but it starts pretty poorly. The final fight with Butch (Brice Akuesson) is telegraphed way too early, and the movie even rips off a certain Karate Kid moment so blatantly that they might as well have thrown in the crane kick.

The acting isn't helping. Landwehr has the physicality, but he has none of the poise or charm of a genuine action star, and there’s nothing particularly exceptional about his fighting ability either.

I’ll give Lion Fist some extra credit for being an indie “kung fu” movie, the way we used to call these back in the day, when martial arts movies were all the rage. I loved those movies. Unfortunately, nostalgia can only carry this one so far.

Lion Fist (2026)

So lame. So predictable. And so many damn montages. Oh, and my Lionheart reference - they make a mention of that at the very end. JCVD approves.

https://jackmeat.com/lion-fist-2026/

God of This Age (2026) | God of This Age is Black Mirror, written by a youth pastor who thinks phones are tools of Satan. Minus ANYTHING entertaining. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 2.7/10. God of This Age starts with some dude named Jason (Cory Burdette) driving down the road when a girl suddenly runs in front of his car. He slams on the brakes and avoids hitting her, which is probably the most competent decision anyone makes in this movie. There is also an absolutely ridiculous amount of smoke or fog everywhere, because apparently this particular stretch of road is located inside a haunted vape shop.

Jason follows the girl, who promptly disappears while pointing toward an RV. Then Jason gets bashed over the head and dragged inside.

Title screen. Then drone footage. And because this is a low-budget movie with absolutely no shame, the drone itself is visible while filming the drone footage. Nothing says "cinematic masterpiece" quite like watching the cameraman's camera.

Friday rolls around, and it's game night. Michelle (Katie Sengupta) has invited a bunch of friends over to play a mysterious new game called God of This Age. There's just one tiny problem. She hasn't actually played it!

Who does this? "Hey guys, come over tonight! I've got this weird game nobody knows anything about. I haven't opened it, I don't know what it does, and I have no idea where it came from. Drinks are in the fridge!" For all she knows, it's a single-player text adventure.

Michelle is easily the dumbest person in the room, and that's saying something because the movie has assembled a cast of people who apparently abandoned common sense years ago.

The game is "creepy." Everything is "creepy." Michelle says creepy so often that you could turn this movie into a drinking game. Unfortunately, that would probably make the movie considerably more enjoyable.

And then...not much happens.

Michelle just kind of paces around her house, being scared for most of the time, having the same look on her face as someone who's seen Smile too many times and thought to themselves, "Hey, I can do that." Oddly enough, her friends seem to be afraid of her as well, when all she does is walk around looking constipated and confused.

The acting is dreadful. The characters are annoying. And the horror is practically nonexistent. If you're looking for fun low-budget horror, keep looking. This isn't scary. It's a youth group sermon with a runtime.

Eventually, the message becomes painfully obvious - technology is watching you, your phones are evil, Big Tech is coming for you, and apparently the answer is God. George Orwell was warning us about this shit decades ago, but apparently God of This Age needed 75 minutes to explain it while making absolutely nothing happen.

The whole movie feels like what happens when a youth pastor discovers smartphones and decides to write Black Mirror after watching three episodes of Supernatural. Special effects by Instagram. Suspense by PowerPoint. Acting by people who appear to have been promised pizza afterward.

There are no thrills, barely any horror, no satisfying payoff, and naturally, a sequel tease at the end. Because apparently one God of This Age wasn't enough. Stupid. Don't waste your time.

God of This Age (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/god-of-this-age-2026/

Parasomnia (2025) | The Shudder logo appeared, and I thought, “Could go either way.” Turns out Parasomnia went halfway, then stopped for exposition. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating -  4.4/10. The Shudder logo appears. You know what that means. Me either. Could go either way. Parasomnia follows Riley (Jasmine Mathews), a young woman plagued by horrific night terrors and the sort of unresolved trauma that horror movies apparently require you to carry around like a second suitcase. After her best friend goes missing, Riley begins to suspect that the demonic figure haunting her dreams has figured out how to cross over into the real world.

The movie opens at the Amherst Sanctuary Foster Home in 2014, where we first meet David (Stephen Barrington). Since the movie flashes the names on screen, I assume that's how we're supposed to meet everybody. David goes to check on Riley, who appears to be completely dead to the world, and then we get a creepy-ass vision, or whatever the hell that practical bloodbath was. It's actually pretty damn cool before the movie jumps ahead to 2024.

Then we get the exposition. And more exposition.

Oh geez, they talk about falling asleep in five seconds. They're referring to fainting yourself, which is something I really hope they're deliberately explaining incorrectly because that shit is dangerous. We used to do it all the time when I learned how to do it about 35 years ago, and I'm honestly surprised we're all still here to talk about it.

Riley's dreams are spooky, but unfortunately they seem to have been designed primarily around one simple filmmaking principle: JUMP SCARE!

After that excellent opening sequence, Parasomnia slows down to approximately the speed of continental drift. We get a little bit of action, followed by a whole bunch of exposition. Then a tiny bite of action, followed by another truckload of exposition. Rinse and repeat until you start wondering if the demon is actually haunting you or if you're just being punished for watching the movie.

There are some genuinely interesting ideas here. The demon gets an unusual bug-eye perspective that looks pretty damn cool, and the atmosphere occasionally works. There are also a few practical effects that deserve some credit. Eyeball eating, anyone? Yummy.

The problem lies in the fact that the film is way too focused on telling rather than showing. Nothing is explained properly in terms of lore, there is very little action, and just when you are hoping for the plot to shift gears, it becomes obsessed with explaining why this particular exists.

The result is a movie with a decent concept, okay atmosphere, and some memorable imagery that gets buried under an exhausting amount of explanation.

Parasomnia (2025)

And then there's the sequel tease. Because Parasomnia wants another chance to put us to sleep. Not terrible, but definitely not the nightmare I was hoping for.

https://jackmeat.com/parasomnia-2025/

Blood Shine (2025) | A stranded filmmaker gets taken in by a religious nut who wants to turn him into a god. Should go well. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.7/10. Blood Shine makes it pretty damn clear something deeply weird is going on. It opens with an interesting sideways shot of a sunset as a woman appears to drag what looks suspiciously like a body bag across the landscape. Because apparently nothing says “welcome to the countryside” quite like questionable luggage. We then cut to an old tube television featuring Larry Fessenden, the blessed spectre of indie horror, preaching about the “new flesh.” If Fessenden is showing up on a crusty TV to tell you about the latest religious fad, perhaps don't stick around to find out what it is.

Keith (Brendan Sexton III) soon discovers that his day isn't improving. He reluctantly gets up for work at a cattle farm, only to learn that dying cows have put an end to that career. Then his tire blows out. Fortunately, Clara (Emily Bennett) happens to live within walking distance. She generously offers him shelter, claims to call a tow truck, and invites him inside to warm up.

Obviously, this goes perfectly normally. It does not. Surprise LOL.

The story eventually shifts to filmmaker Brighton (David Call), who is auditioning a potential final girl for his movie Craven 4, before the various pieces of this bizarre little puzzle begin coming together. Clara is one seriously creepy chick, and the whole thing develops a strange cult-meets-Misery vibe, except your helpful roadside stranger is considerably less interested in reading your next book.

There is plenty to appreciate here. The practical effects deliver some suitably bloody body horror, and the film mixes that with elements of folk horror and religious fanaticism. The production has a grimy, old-school indie-horror quality that works particularly well when things get messy. And, naturally, seeing Larry Fessenden pop up is always a welcome bonus.

Unfortunately, Blood Shine doesn't quite turn its intriguing setup into something consistently satisfying. There are interesting ideas lurking underneath the blood, religious mania, and general “maybe I shouldn't have gone inside this house” stupidity. The bizarre ending certainly commits to the weirdness, even if it left me wondering whether I'd missed a page of the script.

There are some really bad days, and then there are those bad days when you have a flat tire in the middle of nowhere, accept an invite from a total stranger, and suddenly find yourself being kept hostage by a zealot who thinks that torturous practices will transform you into a god. You definitely should have just called an Uber.

Keith, buddy. The tow truck was never coming.

Blood Shine (2025)

https://jackmeat.com/blood-shine-2025/

Knightfall (2026) | Knightfall is a spy thriller where everyone is very serious, it's almost always dark, and the same song works for every attack. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating -  4.3/10. Knightfall begins on an unknown island during a classified time, which is a vague way of saying, “You probably aren’t supposed to know where or when this is happening.” The fact that the information has been redacted pretty much tells us everything we need to know. Spies are involved. People are being stealthily murdered. There is secret information. Somewhere, presumably, a manila folder is having the time of its life.

Then we cut to a couple of dudes playing chess, because nothing screams international espionage quite like a board game. Naturally, a familiar face wanders in and proceeds to show them how it's done.

Jeanine Nerissa Sothcott plays Ros Knight, and I recognized her from that so-so horror flick Doctor Plague. Ros is part of an infiltration team tasked with identifying a biohazard, although the boys' club isn't exactly thrilled about having a girlie along for the ride. Apparently, international espionage remains one of the few industries where someone can still look at a highly capable operative and say, “But...a lady?”

The whole thing eventually boils down to infamous former spy catcher Charles Knight (Ian Ogilvy) having to work with his estranged daughter Ros to prevent a homeland security bloodbath while surviving a terrifying home invasion. Great to see Michael Paré pop up as Matthew, even if he doesn't stick around for long. I've been a huge fan since catching Streets of Fire at the drive-in once upon a time, so his appearance was a nice little surprise.

I do have one question, though. Did anyone shoot a scene during the daytime?

Knightfall is dark. Like, “turn the brightness up and immediately question whether your television is broken” dark. The entire home invasion plays out with music looping underneath it, while the bad guys come looking for a USB key containing the super-secret key to get inside the super-secret briefcase. Because apparently the future of homeland security can be defeated by finding the world's most important thumb drive.

The action itself is remarkably matter-of-fact. People get attacked, people get shot, people sneak around, and everyone handles it like they're completing their morning commute. Very suave group, these spies.

That was apparently only the night crew. Eventually, daylight does make an appearance and the day attack group shows up. Unfortunately, the music refuses to acknowledge the passage of time and, naturally, they get the exact same music. It just keeps going until an incredibly abrupt and LOUD ending finally screams, “WE'RE DONE!” Oops.

There are, of course, double crosses. It's a spy thriller, after all. Knightfall is ultimately a pretty pedestrian entry in the genre, with adequate performances, although Sothcott occasionally has to wrestle with some cardboard dialogue.

Knightfall (2025)

Thanks to Rachel Wright for getting this one over to me for an early look. Knightfall hit streamers on September 11, 2026, so if you're a fan of spy thrillers and want to support an indie production, give it a shot. Just maybe bring a flashlight.

https://jackmeat.com/knightfall-2026/

Slotherhouse (2023) | Is Slotherhouse a good movie? Not really. Did I have fun watching a sloth murder sorority girls? Absolutely! #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.2/10. I had the trailer for Slotherhouse sitting on my previous website for a while because, well...it looked completely ridiculous. Eventually, I figured it was time to stop teasing myself with the trailer and actually watch the damn thing.

And you know what? I had fun with it.

Was Slotherhouse insanely stupid? Absolutely. Was I questioning some of the decisions being made while watching it? Constantly. Did I care? Not really. Sometimes you just have to embrace the stupid and let a murderous sloth do its thing.

Directed by Matthew Goodhue, Slotherhouse is a horror comedy about Emily Young (Lisa Ambalavanar), a college senior campaigning to become president of her sorority. Naturally, the best way to improve her chances is to adopt an adorable sloth. Because apparently that's how sorority politics works.

Things take a bit of a turn when the cute little bastard starts leaving a trail of dead bodies behind him.

Right from the opening scene, Slotherhouse makes it pretty damn clear what sort of movie we're watching. This isn't a horror movie that wants to scare the shit out of you. It's a silly monster flick that knows its plot is ridiculous but enjoys its own madness.

The star of the show is obviously the sloth. And here's where I have to give the movie some credit. At times, it's a hand puppet.

Yes. I am not joking. A hand puppet.

Instead of throwing some questionable CGI sloth at us, they opted to use a real puppet. IMO, they have done the right thing because the stupid motions just made everything more comical, especially when the cute, little psychopath was busy slaughtering people. There is just something about seeing a sloth in action that makes everything so amusing.

It's campy as hell, but that's also where a lot of the entertainment comes from.

However, it is not always that amusing. There are many jokes and scenes that definitely could have been a lot funnier than they were. Tiff Stevenson, who has had experience in stand-up comedy, is playing the role of the sorority’s den mother, but her character doesn't deliver the laughs I expected.

That's probably the biggest problem with Slotherhouse. The premise is funnier than the actual comedy.

A murderous sloth is a fantastic stupid idea. You can do a lot with that. Unfortunately, the movie doesn't always take advantage of just how ridiculous its own premise is. Still, I can't pretend I didn't enjoy watching it.

The plot is ridiculous. The characters aren't going to be winning any awards. And there are plenty of moments where you simply have to shrug and accept that you're watching a movie about a homicidal sloth running around a sorority house.

But that's also the point.

Slotherhouse is not an attempt to create the next horror movie masterpiece, nor is it likely to end up as one. It's a fun horror film where you have to abandon any expectation of sense whatsoever, and just enjoy the insanity.

Slotherhouse (2023)

I wouldn't exactly call it a good movie. Far from it. But I also wouldn't call the 93 minutes a waste of time. Sometimes you just need a movie where a cute sloth kills people.

https://jackmeat.com/slotherhouse-2023/

The Runner (2026) | The Runner is basically Speed without the bus, Run Lola Run without the excitement, and Gal Gadot in running pants. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.4/10. I'll give The Runner credit for letting us know that communication is important. Radio broadcasts, phone calls, messages and various other forms of people talking at each other all fight for attention during the opening minutes, apparently in preparation for the moment when the movie will eventually stop explaining things and just make Gal Gadot run.

And run she does.

After the opening barrage of audio clutter finally settles down, we meet successful London attorney Sarah (Gal Gadot) and her diabetic son Noah (Rory Wilmot) getting ready for the day. Then she gets a call from coworker Ted, and suddenly she's off and running through London to the dulcet sounds of Blondie's Heart of Glass. The title finally appears, presumably because the movie has decided, “Yep, this is the one. We're making Gal Gadot run now.”

Which raises an important question. Was this entire movie just an excuse to put Gal Gadot in skin-tight running pants?

Because if so, mission accomplished. Unfortunately, there's also supposed to be a thriller happening.

Noah is abducted, and a mysterious Caller (Damian Lewis) starts issuing Sarah a series of cryptic commands. She has to race across the city to save her son, navigating secrets, threats and whatever other obstacles the screenplay can throw in her path.

The problem is that I never really understood why she needed to be running everywhere in the first place. The bad guy has a specific objective, and that objective is apparently time-sensitive. So why not simply tell Sarah where she needs to go and let her get there by whatever means necessary? Why is running specifically the solution?

It's not like she's being chased by a bus.

The movie does have some things going for it. There are some genuinely cool shots, the editing has energy, and there are flashy sequences that demonstrate some filmmaking talent from Kevin Macdonald. Unfortunately, all that technical polish is being used to prop up an idea that probably sounded considerably better on paper.

And then there's the ending.

You have to give The Runner a lot of leeway when it comes to plausibility. I can't say I was surprised by where things ended up, because the ending was pretty much exactly what I expected. It isn't necessarily terrible. It just feels like the movie has been sprinting toward a finish line that was never far away.

All I could think about was how great Run Lola Run was. That movie understood how to turn running into an actual cinematic engine. The Runner mostly turns it into cardio.

The Runner (2026)

It's Speed without the bus, without the excitement, and with considerably more Gal Gadot running. At least she looks great doing it.

https://jackmeat.com/the-runner-2026/