Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma (2026) | Camp Miasma is a bloody, self-indulgent love letter to '80s slashers & when the movie starts shooting blood everywhere, I know #Shocktober is here. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.4/10. After years of half-baked sequels, the Camp Miasma franchise is handed over to an enthusiastic young director for resurrection. But when she visits the original’s star, a now-reclusive actress shrouded in mystery, the two women fall into a blood-soaked world of desire, fear, and delirium. And Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma is born.

It starts with a shaky first-person view of some heavy breather wandering around a film shoot. Cut to a couple walking in the forest, where they are attacked by someone wearing what appears to be a cube on his head. The first victim gets stabbed into a blood geyser, which is really the only way I can describe it, while the woman is then speared to death in a bloody outrage. As the title appears over this weird-looking killer, I can already tell I am going to enjoy this #Shocktober Cannes Film Festival treat.

The credits show us the Camp Miasma trilogy covers from their VHS releases, and keen horror fans will recognize plenty of Friday the 13th-inspired designs. The ads also ask, “What ever happened to Billy Presley (Gillian Anderson?)” We will get that answer shortly. For now, we also get to peruse the merchandise featuring the square-headed killer, Little Death (Jack Haven). There is some great horror nostalgia hiding in those credits, so pay attention. I rewound them because apparently I have nothing better to do.

The story begins on Tuesday, and right away the movie seems determined to make everyone look suspicious. That music isn't exactly helping. We meet Kris (Hannah Einbinder) on her way to visit the reclusive star. By Wednesday, she is at the infamous Camp Tivoli, where some of the movies were filmed. And considering I lived about 40 minutes from Crystal Lake, IL, you damn well know I took a trip out there to see it. Even though the city had nothing to do with the movies. Story for another review.

Kris meets Billy to discuss her ideas and her sexuality. It gets late and snowy, so she stays, and we eventually hit Thursday, which is where I'll stop with the days before this turns into a calendar.

The casting is great, including her agent, played by Sarah Sherman from Saturday Night Live. I loved the grainy footage from the previous Camp Miasma movies that Kris and Billy rewatch. We see a young Kris, played by Amanda Fix, learning about and trying to survive Little Death. I suspect there is considerably more going on with Billy's relationship to these old movies than simple nostalgia.

Jane Schoenbrun is clearly a horror buff, filling the movie with subtle references. That Return of the Living Dead reference isn't exactly subtle, but I'll allow it. I enjoyed this journey through self-discovery much more than I Saw the TV Glow, although this is just as self-indulgent. I'm not going to pretend I can decipher all the personal shit Schoenbrun may be working through, but there is plenty of it.

The effects are often practical for that '80s feel, with some digital enhancement blended in well enough that I didn't care. The kills are fun. That tetherball kill was great. These people really like shooting blood out of things.

The acting is good, especially between Anderson and Einbinder. The film comments on its own attempts to distance itself from slasher clichés while ironically embracing those same tropes by the conclusion.

And it works. Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma is clearly trying to be more than a standard slasher, but thankfully never forgets that a weird guy with a cube on his head murdering people is still a pretty damn good time. It's very well made, bloody, funny, and occasionally far too pleased with itself. The ending also gives us a wonderfully relaxed sequel tease without beating us over the head with it.

Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma (2026)

I'm not demanding another Camp Miasma and judging by Schoenbrun's mood in this flick, I won't be getting one.

But I wouldn't complain if I did.

https://jackmeat.com/teenage-sex-and-death-at-camp-miasma-2026/

Ice Cream Man (2026) | Starting off #Shocktober with Ice Cream Man, because my childhood memories of chasing the ice cream truck need GORE and bomb pops. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.1/10. An idyllic summer town descends into madness when an ice cream man serves kids sweet treats with horrifying results. All I needed to know about Ice Cream Man was that Eli Roth was involved. That was enough to get me in the van. Probably not the best decision, considering what happens to the children who climb aboard.

The movie opens with an old-school ice cream truck tooling across the bridge into Bayleen Bay, accompanied by that low-key music that practically whispers, "Something bad is going to happen." Then it switches to optimistic summer music as we see kids at the park and a local Little League game. I remember those days. Seeing the ice cream man during games and hoping to catch him after the final inning. Of course, knowing this is a horror movie makes watching the creepy-looking Ice Cream Man (Ari Millen) hand out treats to every kid considerably more entertaining. Free ice cream! What could possibly go wrong?

Well...basically everything.

The movie quickly establishes the kid hierarchy. Bullies, geeks, popular girls, and clueless parents. You know exactly who is going to be annoying, who is going to be annoying and murdered, and which adults are going to remain spectacularly useless. Eli Roth plays the dad to Lizzie (Sarah Abbott) and Jared (Charlie Zeltzer), while Karen Cliche plays Mom.

It gets bloody and mean-spirited very quickly. One cone and the killing begins. From there, it's practical gore, senseless violence and little cartoon animations celebrating the kids' increasingly horrific behavior. It's ridiculous, nasty and exactly the kind of thing I wanted from this movie.

I did have one important logistical question. Where the hell were those kids hiding in that freezer? There are apparently dimensions in that thing that physics hasn't told us about yet. Bit of an oopsie.

But I had fun with it. I'm a fan of Roth's unapologetic style, and Ice Cream Man doesn't pretend to be something it isn't. It's bloody, violent, and gloriously stupid. If you came looking for Oscar-worthy dialogue and a labyrinthine mystery, that's on you. You walked into the horror ice cream truck expecting a five-course meal.

I also liked the little twist on the usual Hollywood ending. Finally, some balls. Even the after-credit scene doesn't exist just to yell, "SEQUEL!" at you.

Unfortunately, the movie comes with an AI controversy. In an interview with Comicbasics.com, Roth discussed the use of generative AI. My take? You are using AI. I keep seeing you hugging your favorite celebrity. That's reality. What annoys me is the apparent tap-dancing around exactly what was used. I can't find a video of Roth saying it, but he was reportedly quoted as saying he drew the animation before later acknowledging that some scenes used AI.

Whatever. A couple of old-school animation sequences apparently got some AI assistance, and I wondered if the Ice Cream Man's flashback did too. It doesn't make or break the movie for me.

But Eli, buddy...just say you used it. Nobody expects the Ice Cream Man to be completely organic.

Ice Cream Man (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/ice-cream-man-2026/

Runner (2026) | My buddy-movie kick continues, and Runner gives us Ritchson & Wilson delivering a liver down under while everyone tries their best to kill them. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.7/10. Runner starts with a nice-looking oceanside shot of Brisbane, Australia, which immediately gives us the impression we're about to watch an everyday Australian thriller. Naturally, this lasts approximately five minutes.

We meet Hank Malone, played by Alan Ritchson, sitting on a boat and attempting to learn French on his phone. Because apparently even action heroes have Duolingo streaks to maintain. He then hops into his truck and heads to an AA meeting to collect his one-year coin. Gotta give the main character some backstory.

After another nagging call from Iggy, Hank gets his latest assignment and, most importantly, permission to "kick ass if necessary." He seems to specialize in odd delivery jobs, so I'm not entirely sure how much ass-kicking will actually be required. That changes pretty quickly when an urgent medical package comes his way with some serious money attached.

Meanwhile, we meet Ben Bishop, played by Owen Wilson, relaxing on a private jet. We also meet Kate (Leila George), who is at the hospital with her daughter and discovers that a desperately needed organ is finally on the way.

I think you see where this is going. Ben is the organ delivery guy. Hank is his delivery driver. Congratulations, you've got a buddy movie.

Of course, transporting a liver across Australia couldn't possibly remain a simple delivery. Before long, we're dealing with cartel goons, a suspicious number of guns for a country where the biggest threat normally seems to be a kangaroo, and a surprising amount of foreign-language dialogue without subtitles. Then there are the Australian criminals, including bikers, which Aussies hilariously call bikies. Yes, bikies. Apparently even Australian organized crime gets its own adorable local terminology.

The result is a pretty damn fun ride. Ritchson moves through every environment like the entire planet was specifically designed as a collection of weapons. A bike? Weapon. Car? Weapon. Wall? Probably weapon. Someone else's furniture? Give him thirty seconds.

Owen Wilson brings his usual humor and recognizable mannerisms, which works well alongside Ritchson's increasingly violent delivery-service routine. I especially like how the movie treats transporting a liver through a criminal-infested Australia as though this is a perfectly reasonable Tuesday afternoon.

There are no awards being handed out here, but action fans will get a damn good car chase through the Gold Coast and a violent-ass last fight. I thoroughly enjoyed Mayday, and Runner is right there with it for me. It's ridiculous, occasionally heartfelt, and just self-aware enough to make the whole thing work.

nerRunner (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/runner-2026/

Stormageddon (2015) | Stormageddon is definitely cheap as hell, but I had way more fun with this ridiculous computer-causes-the-apocalypse nonsense than I expected. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.0/10. I went into Stormageddon with reasonable expectations, and by “reasonable expectations” I mean I had already accepted that I was probably going to see some questionable CGI, questionable science, and at least one scene that looked like it had been rendered on a laptop that was also being used to run someone's iTunes library.

The premise is actually pretty fun. Echelon, a super-powerful computer program, becomes sentient after learning enough about human behavior and promptly decides that humanity would probably be better off being destroyed. After taking control of America's online infrastructure, Echelon gains the ability to manipulate the weather, trigger earthquakes, and generally cause the sort of nationwide chaos that makes you wonder why someone didn't just unplug the damn thing.

And because apparently stopping an evil weather-controlling AI requires robots, we get Adam and Cain, played by John Hennigan and Joseph Gatt, respectively. And yes, WWE fans, that John Hennigan. I couldn't help but spend part of the movie thinking, “Hang on, isn't that John Morrison/Nitro/Mundo,etc?” before remembering that this is Stormageddon and normal expectations have already left the building.

Bonus: Why bother watching the trailer when you can just watch the whole damn movie? LOL.

This is very obviously a low-budget production, and the visual effects aren't exactly going to be threatening the Oscars anytime soon. The helicopter sequence against the stormy sky around the 20-minute mark is particularly magnificent. LMAO. It looks so amateurish that I wondered if someone had accidentally left the green screen visible. And then the movie keeps showing the shot again. And again. Apparently the filmmakers weren't sure we'd noticed it the first time, so they helpfully keep bringing it back like, “HEY! LOOK AT OUR HELICOPTER!”

But here's the weird thing. I actually had a decent time with this.

The visual effects may be dodgy, but there's a certain creativity to what they're attempting, and the movie has enough ridiculousness going on to keep things moving. It's one of those films where you can see exactly where the money ran out, but you can also see the filmmakers trying to squeeze every last drop of spectacle out of what they had.

Is it good? Not really. Is it polished? Absolutely not. Is it remotely convincing as a giant technological/weather apocalypse? Let's not get carried away.

But I enjoyed it considerably more than I expected to, which is probably the nicest thing I can say about Stormageddon. It's a bargain-basement, straight-to-video-style sci-fi disaster flick that knows how to entertain if you're willing to meet it at its level.

Stormageddon (2015)

https://jackmeat.com/stormageddon-2015/

Mayday (2026) | There are fighter jets, Soviet Russia, Van Halen, Top Gun references and Kenneth Branagh beating people up. Need I say more? #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 6.7/10. Lieutenant Troy Kelly (Ryan Reynolds) is taking part in a top-secret surveillance mission over Soviet airspace when things go wrong, leaving him stranded in the Russian wilderness. Now you know where the Mayday comes from. He is eventually rescued by Nick (Kenneth Branagh), a Russian native with a rather unexpected fondness for America, and the two discover that perhaps the Cold War doesn't have to involve quite so much cold after all.

The movie opens with Kelly lying in the snow, desperately trying to pry his helmet off and looking very much like this is not how he expected his day to go. Before he can have a confrontation with another man who has discovered the wreckage, he passes out. Then it's time to Jump over to some Van Halen as a couple of jets come screaming across the Pacific Ocean in 1987.

That's right, we're going back to the Cold War. About 40 years into it, in case the fighter jets, Soviet airspace and aggressive amount of '80s music hadn't tipped you off.

Eventually, we find out exactly why Kelly ends up face-down in the snow, and thankfully, we don't have to wait two hours for the answer. You'll know by around the 20-minute mark. The sequence explaining how he gets there is actually pretty damn good, although it does involve an insanely silly scene designed to establish Kelly's personality. It's not exactly buzzing the tower, but think along those lines, only considerably more ridiculous. Apparently, Cold War fighter pilots had a slightly different definition of "responsible aviation."

Nick, the Russian who finds Kelly, was briefly seen earlier and turns out to be a huge fan of the USA. Naturally, he also happens to own a bootleg VHS copy of Top Gun. Because if you're going to make an '80s movie about an American fighter pilot crashing into Soviet territory, there was absolutely no way Top Gun wasn't going to show up somewhere. LOL.

From there, Mayday settles into a very entertaining '80s buddy-cop formula, except instead of two cops, we've got an American fighter pilot and a Russian ex-KGB badass trying not to kill each other long enough to become friends.

Reynolds is, well, Ryan Reynolds. He's playing the wisecracking smartass you've seen him play approximately 47 times before, and as usual, it works. The real surprise is Branagh. He is completely out of character as a ridiculously capable, ass-kicking former KGB officer. And he's fantastic. He's funny, intimidating, charming, and somehow makes the whole ridiculous premise work. It's another reminder that Kenneth Branagh can apparently do just about anything with acting involved.

There are plenty of '80s songs for the nostalgia crowd, some nice action sequences, and several genuinely laugh-out-loud moments. It's not trying to reinvent the Cold War movie, but it doesn't need to.

Mayday is simply a fun movie. It's silly, occasionally very silly, but it knows exactly what kind of trip it wants to take us on. Throw in Reynolds, Branagh, fighter jets, Soviet Russia, bootleg Top Gun and a healthy dose of 80s hits, and you've got a pretty entertaining couple of hours.

Mayday (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/mayday-2026/

Bloody Tennis (2026) | This isn't really a slasher about tennis players, but it does prove that professional tennis involving blood can be entertaining. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 5.1/10. Being a fan of tennis in general, I obviously had to see what happens when someone decides the sport needs a horror makeover. Bloody Tennis wastes absolutely no time answering that question. The Shudder logo appears, followed by a bloody-faced woman on a tennis court during a night session getting absolutely drilled by a ball machine. Someone casually strolls over to drag her away, and off we go. Apparently, that's just how tennis academy problems are handled.

Sophie (Sandra Guldberg Kampp) is dropped off at an elite tennis academy somewhere in Southern Europe, where she meets the other girls, an ornery old coach and the woman running the place, who immediately makes it clear that Sophie is approximately three seconds away from being told to fuck off. Her first assignment is basically win or go home, which seems like a slightly extreme version of the usual "work hard and believe in yourself" sporting philosophy.

The girls are subjected to some pretty damn evil hazing. There is some mysterious red shit everyone is drinking that immediately gags Sophie, and despite the movie's willingness to explain plenty of other bizarre things, I don't recall ever finding out what the hell that stuff actually was. I'll go out on a limb and say some sort of blood smoothie.

They also confiscate everyone's cellphones when they arrive, which is reasonable enough for an isolated academy full of sociopaths. Then someone has to physically carry a corded telephone out to the tennis courts. That's when you know these people are serious about isolation. Forget putting the Wi-Fi password on the welcome pamphlet. These weirdos have gone full 1987.

Unfortunately, Sophie isn't exactly easy to root for either. The one girl, Heidi (Helena Zengel), who doesn't treat her like garbage from the moment she arrives, gets treated like garbage by Sophie anyway. It makes the protagonist's journey somewhat difficult to get behind when I was occasionally thinking, "Well, maybe the evil tennis academy has a point."

If you're expecting a conventional slasher where someone methodically hunts down tennis players, Bloody Tennis isn't really that movie. It's considerably stranger, with a distinctly European feel courtesy of its German production. The final match in particular had me wondering exactly what the hell I was watching. The practical effects, however, look bloody good, with the movie putting its gruesome moments together without relying on digital effects.

I was also never entirely sure what the obsession with leeches was about. I understand that professional athletes have to be hungry for success, but I'm fairly certain the tennis circuit isn't actually this dog-eat-dog. Or, in this case, person-eat-person.

Underneath all the blood and bodily fluids, Bloody Tennis is really a cynical look at the lengths parents and coaches will go to manufacture the next sporting superstar. It's a dark bit of social satire about toxic sporting culture and the ridiculous pressure placed on young athletes to succeed.

The movie takes its horror seriously enough, but there's still a horror-comedy lurking underneath it all. Whether intentionally or because watching a bunch of psychopaths run a tennis academy is inherently farking funny. It isn't quite the bloody tennis massacre I was hoping for, but at least nobody can accuse it of playing a safe baseline game.

Bloody Tennis (2026)

I just wish somebody had explained the red drink.

https://jackmeat.com/bloody-tennis-2026/

One Last Shot (2026) | One Last Shot is perfectly serviceable, but you'll probably forget most of it before the end credits finish. #jackmeatsflix

My quick rating - 4.7/10. I have always been a fan of Scott Adkins, so seeing that One Last Shot pairs him up with Dolph Lundgren immediately got my attention. Two guys who have spent decades beating the living hell out of increasingly unfortunate henchmen? Sign me up. Unfortunately, Lundgren apparently received the memo about this being a team-up but not the one about actually being in the movie very much.

The film opens with some news reporting about an attempted terrorist attack in Washington, D.C., involving Homeland Security agents, because apparently no action movie can get through its first ten minutes without somebody saying “national security” in a very serious voice. This is followed by a ridiculously easy attack on the Joint Chiefs of Staff. At least, I assume it is the Joint Chiefs. I really hope the movie isn't suggesting this happened in the White House, because the location didn't exactly scream “most secure building in America.”

Behind the whole thing is Carter (Steven Cree), a mysterious mastermind who is clearly up to something. Exactly what that something is takes a while to establish, although naturally there are conspiracies, double-crosses, and enough secret agendas to keep the screenplay supplied with suspicious-looking men in dark rooms.

Adkins plays Navy SEAL Jake Harris, who finds himself trying to stop a group of mercenaries from disabling the U.S. missile defense network. It is all very serious business, even if the movie occasionally makes it feel like the world's most elaborate IT support ticket.

The action is where One Last Shot earns most of its points. The fight scenes are reasonably solid, and Kane Kosugi is an excellent choice to go toe-to-toe with Adkins. Their encounters are easily the highlight, and if you removed the Kosugi-versus-Adkins material, I could probably knock another couple of points off the score without breaking a sweat. The CGI blood, on the other hand, looks like somebody found the “blood” setting in a graphics program and immediately clicked Apply All.

There is also a fun little chase involving a light utility vehicle (basically one of those new Jeeps, only smaller) which provides a welcome change of pace.

Unfortunately, the pacing is pretty sluggish, the characters are mostly flat, and the story never manages to distinguish itself from the dozens of other action movies seemingly pumped out specifically for STS consumption. It checks the expected boxes. Military conspiracy. Disgruntled former comrade. Mercenaries. Secret plans. Explosions and men who apparently communicate exclusively through grim facial expressions.

Overall, One Last Shot is an average action effort that does exactly what it says on the tin and very little else. Adkins fans will find enough decent action to make it worthwhile, particularly when Kosugi enters the picture, but don't go in expecting much Lundgren.

One Last Shot (2026)

https://jackmeat.com/one-last-shot-2026/